On Teen Angst (really don't mean to offend!)

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despicability
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On Teen Angst (really don't mean to offend!)

Post by despicability » Fri Nov 27, 2009 4:42 am

:critique: i dont know whether to keep the last 2 'stanzas' (left them seperate and in brackets) also i would like to specify, i really don't mean to offend anyone with this poem

On Teen Angst

‘I think it’s time for me to die’
she said, and gave a solemn sigh.
But death just laughed a hollow laugh
and gathered both his scythe and staff
‘you do not die until you live,
you still have so much left to give!
If I could and should, I would
try and make you smile, act like a clown
to ‘turn that frown upside down,’
but clichés come and clichés go
and people still get sad and low.
I do not argue, it may be true
you’re actually depressed, not just feeling blue,
but the fact of the matter is that you’re alive,
and on instinct alone you should want to survive!
And truth of the moment? Well, yes, it gets worse –
like life is some kind of God-evil curse
you’ll turn into your parents, and then...’
-Death just paused, and laughed, again –
‘You’ll have kids who act like you,
and you’ll refuse to see from their point of view
and they’ll call you old, and you’ll disagree
but you’ll look in the mirror and not know who you see.
You’ll wonder where all the time suddenly went
and then when you know your time is spent
I’ll return, not with a scythe, but a silver line,
and set you up on your own cloud nine...’
A pause again, to clear his throat –
‘But for now, whatever’s got your goat,
just let it go and learn to live
for yes, you’ve so much left to give
and yes, there’s bad, but there’s also good
it’s not just you that’s misunderstood
for so is life, in all her glory,
people focussing on the history
of bloody wars and murderers winning
but life’s beauty starts in the beginning;
a simple story of ‘cell-on-cell’
where things meet and start to swell...’
The girl turned red, started to squirm,
didn’t want to hear of egg-meets-sperm,
but death, oblivious, carried on
‘Where two things conjoin, to just make one
which grow and lengthen and multiply...’
Now it was deaths turn to sigh
‘You see, beauty is the core of life,
not all this poverty, greed and strife.’
Death turned, looked at the girl,
twisting her hair into a curl.
‘So go into the world and give
you’ll see how much that you can live!
You’ll see the beauty, hear the bird song
find someone with who you get along
you’ll get a job and get a life
and know real joy and sorrow and strife
the pain that comes of paying bills,
school reunions and family ills
learning to drive, maybe hit a rabbit
(or bird or squirrel, or even a fox)
learn to think both in and out the box.
You’ll make new friends, and lose some old
you’re life story has yet to unfold.
One day, you may write your biography,
you may look back and think of me
on this night where you might have died
have left here at my side, my bride,
you could have married death, but no,
for now is not your time to go
for this very second is not the time
for you to get your own ‘cloud nine.’’
The girl smiled sheepishly,
‘sorry for calling you prematurely.’
And death just smiled, and in a wink,
was gone before the girl could blink.

(and now she’d chosen life instead,
decided to go for a walk to clear her head
so down the stairs and out the door
but no one knows what LIFE has in store...

a black cat was sitting in the road
and, forgetting about her highway code
went to pick it up, give it a fuss
but got hit by the number 39 bus.)
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***************************
And so it came to pass
that everything that was
had never come to be


it's a dangerous living this... life...

Did you think that the demon would possess us?

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Re: On Teen Angst (really don't mean to offend!)

Post by heinzs » Fri Nov 27, 2009 4:21 pm

When it's your time, it's your time. We are truly not free to choose, even though we may pretend to do so. Even the successful suicide does so at their appointed time, whether we wish to acknowledge that or not.

Not sure, though, whether the humor forum is the best place for this... :grin:
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Re: On Teen Angst (really don't mean to offend!)

Post by despicability » Mon Nov 30, 2009 2:13 am

ah ok. Was just meant as a bit of fun really sorry. There are too many ways to read things.
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***************************
And so it came to pass
that everything that was
had never come to be


it's a dangerous living this... life...

Did you think that the demon would possess us?

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heinzs
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Re: On Teen Angst (really don't mean to offend!)

Post by heinzs » Mon Nov 30, 2009 8:29 pm

Oh, I see the dark humor in it... just didn't strike my funny bone the day I read it... :hello: :thumbsup:
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Re: On Teen Angst (really don't mean to offend!)

Post by moonflower » Tue Dec 01, 2009 11:18 am

life is so very precious, but seldom do the very young realize it.. being a teen is hard these days and the subject of death seems to prevail in many songs, movies, books..when you get to be my age, death lurks and looms as an ever closer enemy.. :mrgreen:

loved the way you rhymed this.. :thumbsup: :grin:
inside each soul there is music...let the music play..

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Re: On Teen Angst (really don't mean to offend!)

Post by despicability » Wed Dec 02, 2009 7:22 am

cheers.

And i know. I didn't want to offend anyone and its one of the poems ive let my friends read, I mean, i'm not trying to get at anyone, i, from an outsiders pov was probably one of *those* teens, and as for people who do suffer with depression, i know it's hard and im not trying to get at anyone. Some of my friends who read it suffer with depression and they still saw the funny side, so i guess i posted the not meant to offend just so people wouldnt be offended.

To be sompletely honest , it was just a 3am ramble that wouldnt let me sleep until it was finished, and i wanted to post it but wasnt really sure where. Sorry if this was the wrong forum, or whatever. Hope you are all well!
Image
***************************
And so it came to pass
that everything that was
had never come to be


it's a dangerous living this... life...

Did you think that the demon would possess us?

User avatar
moonflower
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Location: longview tx

Re: On Teen Angst (really don't mean to offend!)

Post by moonflower » Thu Dec 03, 2009 12:34 pm

sorry if i gave the impression that i was offended..i do see the ironic humor of it..(the last two verses)..life is really like that unfortunately..i think it flowed well , and hey, it kept me reading til the end..and isnt that what its all about..being read and commented on? :thumbsup: :grin:
inside each soul there is music...let the music play..

visit my poets page

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Re: On Teen Angst (really don't mean to offend!)

Post by poeticpiers » Mon Dec 14, 2009 6:44 am

Wise wise words woven cleverly to lead your readers up the garden path to a most unexpected finale Applauding loudly ivor
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