Morning After

Love poems and poems of romantic interest (not erotica).

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Love poems and poems of romantic interest (not erotica).
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negatvone
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Morning After

Post by negatvone » Sun Jul 31, 2005 1:49 pm

Morning After

Looking on this window seal
Trying now; the pain must feel
Weary thought that has the light
To comfort heads upon this night

Seeking for the retention of the past
Knowing that the misery will last
Of hatred poured into my cup
Feeling mind’s bends; awe struck

Kissing sheets seen as treason
Hoping now that there is reason
For the thought of this bliss
Fathoming times that my mind does miss

Stretching hope into the cloud
That this bliss lifts me to; somehow
Hoping that I’ll never miss
The endless memories
This time of bliss

Kissing the sheets I wish you good day
Hoping in my mind…. One day you will stay.
Last edited by negatvone on Mon Nov 13, 2006 3:27 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Debbie
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Neg

Post by Debbie » Sun Jul 31, 2005 3:51 pm

Neg this poem overwhelmed me very much...a painful time it seems in this poem...memories long gone..and trying to bring them back into focus again...

Bless your Heart Neg...I enjoyed this poem immensly.. :grin:
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Reach Out And Love Someone
Slow Down And Look around
You Will Find Someone Who Needs You.....

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Friend_forever
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Post by Friend_forever » Mon Aug 01, 2005 3:45 am

Kissing the sheets I wish you good day
Hoping in my mind…. One day you will stay.
Oh my god... this is just great Nega
And as I watch you in this light
I never realized your eyes were full of
So many colors.
~ Jadynara

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heinzs
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Post by heinzs » Fri Aug 19, 2005 11:27 pm

:cool:
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negatvone
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Post by negatvone » Mon Oct 17, 2005 2:34 pm

I'm really late at responding to this one. Thanx for the reads and compliments. Been buisy out my yang these days. I didn't forget about you guys reading; just pressed for time to get on and properly review my posts as of late(bieng over 6 months) :mrgreen:

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Tom Watson
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Post by Tom Watson » Mon Oct 17, 2005 2:59 pm

:cry:
The "kissing the sheets" line reminded me of the first few weeks after my wife left....stopped when I realized even the sheets could not respond...

Make what you can of the peace available in the "now" Jim, coating it with a layer of sweet memories...and you will know "love" within.

Your friend always, Tom
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"Whispers of Love" a book of poetry expressing love of the heart and spirit is released worldwide on August 11, 2009. Visit my home page at
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Post by buttterflies » Mon Oct 24, 2005 5:29 pm

jim, this is beautiful... the last two lines particularly made my heart ache.... really lovely work......
"To be one, to be united is a great thing. But to respect the right to be different is maybe even greater." -Bono (U2)

"You have no choice of subject matter. You write what's in your heart and on your mind unless of course it's crap in which case it means you've thought about it too much." -Bono

* :mrgreen: *
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negatvone
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Post by negatvone » Tue Oct 25, 2005 12:06 pm

I can't say I know exactly how you feel, Tom. I've never had a mate pass on to a different plain of existance. I just know experiences of my own. I do cherish all my memories; good with bad. You have to have both to appreciate one. I'm with you there, buddy.

B, you always say the nicest things. It's just words on a paper untill you put what you have into it. I just wish I had more to offer. I do thank you for the compliment, though.
Entering the sanctuary of my mind may lead to perils of unknown magnitude.......... hold on and embrace the ride. Feel the tolls as we pass from existance into my sought domain of twisted reality. -negatv: 5/05-

If I changed anything I have done in my life I wouldn't be me. Personally, I kinda like me. I'm an asshole, but I'm my kind of asshole.

Friends are what help me guide myself through life. I just have to find the right direction first. -negatv- 10/06

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heinzs
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Post by heinzs » Mon Nov 13, 2006 12:35 pm

:cool:
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nacona
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Post by nacona » Tue Nov 14, 2006 6:42 am

negatvone,

Wow! You have done an awsome job on this one.
Morning After

Looking on this window seal
Trying now; the pain must feel
Weary thought that has the light
To comfort heads upon this night

Seeking for the retention of the past
Knowing that the misery will last
Of hatred poured into my cup
Feeling mind’s bends; awe struck

Kissing sheets seen as treason
Hoping now that there is reason
For the thought of this bliss
Fathoming times that my mind does miss

Stretching hope into the cloud
That this bliss lifts me to; somehow
Hoping that I’ll never miss
The endless memories
This time of bliss

Kissing the sheets I wish you good day
Hoping in my mind…. One day you will stay.
I love the rhyme in this, its funny that you have made it work this way, and it reads awsome, but it could almost be broken into couplets as well. I like the rhyme, it does carry the reader through the poem. Where I think you captured me and everyone else with this, is that the scene is familiar, as much as we dont always want those morning afters, or we want that person we woke up next to to stay before they go, or you go. I think we have all felt like this at one point of time or another. I was certainly able to identify! Your last two lines remind me of a few people I met in my younger years before I settled down. I love the imageries and the feel of this poem, it was a good read in that I did not stumble or have trouble with the poem, and when I was finsihed I felt the work had done its job! Now that I am settled down I realize that one day we meet the one that stays, it just is not always the one you wanted to stay before. Life is full of suprizes I guess. Thanks for sharing this with us!

Cheers! :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup:

Shawn Nacona
"I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family." —Greater Nashua, N.H., Jan. 27, 2000 -George W. Bush

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negatvone
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Post by negatvone » Tue Nov 14, 2006 6:52 pm

Thanks, Shawn. If I might say so, myself; I love reading your works also.

Couplets....... hmmmm... I don't know. I'm happy with the way it looks.

I don't know, I might do it to play around with it.

Should I move it to the workshop? :mrgreen:
Entering the sanctuary of my mind may lead to perils of unknown magnitude.......... hold on and embrace the ride. Feel the tolls as we pass from existance into my sought domain of twisted reality. -negatv: 5/05-

If I changed anything I have done in my life I wouldn't be me. Personally, I kinda like me. I'm an asshole, but I'm my kind of asshole.

Friends are what help me guide myself through life. I just have to find the right direction first. -negatv- 10/06

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Angeleyes
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Post by Angeleyes » Tue Nov 14, 2006 8:57 pm

Very nice poem :cool:
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~On the edge of this abyss I stand looking into eternity mesmerized by words spoken by you of undescribable beauty~ author {ME}

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nacona
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Post by nacona » Wed Nov 15, 2006 5:41 am

negatvone,

In my honest opinion you could leave the form how it is and it will work. It reads great, and it is balenced well, I was just making a note that because of how you have applied the rhyme, it could be re-cast into couplets which is fun that this poem can work just as well in each form. Now, I am a true supporter of the phrase "If it's not broke, don't fix it!" so I might leave it as it is if it were my poem, but then again I also think there is no good writing, only good rewriting! If you want to play with the form for fun then you should, if not then leave it be, either way its a gem! As for moving it to workshop, I am not sure, for me that would depend on what draft it was on, and the responses that I have gotten about it in work shop. I am also not certain of where you are at on this as a writer, do you feel it needs to be workshoped? Have you had in up for serious critique yet? If so have you had it up for serious critique since your last revision? If no then I would probably move it to the workshop to see what people say about it. I am very flattered and glad that you enjoy my work, some of it is good, some of it needs work, and some of it is not the best, but I like to think that I am growing and learning as a poet. I have only been writing poetry seriously for 2 years, before that I just wrote in my journal, and sometimes I would write a poem that I have never shared. I am a painter/artist actually and I have been doing that since I was 5 and I am quite good, but when I started writing I felt my work was quite bad, and only in the last 6 months have I started to really develop my voice, so it feels really good to know that I am getting better at expressing myself through words. Thanks again for sharing this poem, make sure you post it for us if you do any further drafts!

Cheers!

Shawn Nacona
"I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family." —Greater Nashua, N.H., Jan. 27, 2000 -George W. Bush

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negatvone
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Post by negatvone » Wed Nov 15, 2006 6:32 am

When I tried to break it down on paper; it transfromed into a totally different poem. :mrgreen: I don't do "drafts" as you put it.

I find myself adding things here, taking things away there, and "poof"; it transforms into a totally different poem all together. :mrgreen:

Normally it takes about 5 minutes to scratch down what I want to.

I'll post the new one when I get time, though.

Cheers, Shawn,

Jim
Entering the sanctuary of my mind may lead to perils of unknown magnitude.......... hold on and embrace the ride. Feel the tolls as we pass from existance into my sought domain of twisted reality. -negatv: 5/05-

If I changed anything I have done in my life I wouldn't be me. Personally, I kinda like me. I'm an asshole, but I'm my kind of asshole.

Friends are what help me guide myself through life. I just have to find the right direction first. -negatv- 10/06

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Re: Morning After

Post by Spazway » Wed Nov 21, 2007 9:50 am

I cannot put into words what exactly I felt as I read this poem. It's a poignant piece full of heartfelt emotion, that much I can express. Definitely deserves a :bump:
If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you. ~ A. A. Milne

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