**Autumn on the Hill** Poem of the week 12.18.06

Love poems and poems of romantic interest (not erotica).

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Love poems and poems of romantic interest (not erotica).
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heinzs
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**Autumn on the Hill** Poem of the week 12.18.06

Post by heinzs » Mon Sep 20, 2004 2:49 pm

Winner: Poem of the Week: December 18, 2006
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Autumn on the Hill
by heinzs

Autumn’s blush paints technicolor
the usual mountainside greens and browns.
Bright hues highlighted by the peek-a-boo sun
make the whole experience one
of action and vibrant life.

Nutkin darts from rock to tree
and twitches his bushy tail
like a flagman’s signal to move along.
Magpie flits between branches
stark white on black
in sheer contrast to ochre leaves.

Between us, on the rug, I pour the Merlot.
The glasses clink and the squirrel stops
momentarily in his tracks,
then resumes burying his acorn.

You smile as you sip
through lips almost as dark as the wine.
How different it seemed then –
as if the future was unfolding
within the pleasant aspect
of the glorious present.

You never lost that smile.
Even near the end
your inner joy shone through
making a lie of the tubes and wires
keeping you alive.

That first autumn together
always comes back to me here
in the cool woods.
This magic place fills me
with your gentle love
and for a moment I, too,
may smile.

9/20/2004
HeinzS

*******************
Admin note:
Nominated for Poem of the Week on 12/15/06
Last edited by heinzs on Tue Dec 26, 2006 1:46 am, edited 3 times in total.
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the quiet poet
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Post by the quiet poet » Mon Sep 20, 2004 2:52 pm

:cry: Extremely touching, friend. Great work.

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heinzs
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Post by heinzs » Mon Sep 20, 2004 2:57 pm

Thanks Adam. Another one of those poems chanelled in the hospital cafeteria...

:cool: :cool:
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Dreamcaster
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Post by Dreamcaster » Tue Sep 21, 2004 12:39 am

i like this touching piece...it has good flow, very emotional... :thumbsup:
" Tell me little starfish
if you have no objection
how do we know which way to go
if you point in all direction"
-Enrique Izazaga

If you stay calm, you are wise, but if you have a hot temper, you only show how stupid you are...
Proverbs 14:29

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heinzs
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Post by heinzs » Tue Sep 21, 2004 9:19 am

Gracias mi amigo!

:cool:
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Spazway
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Post by Spazway » Fri Sep 24, 2004 11:10 pm

Very touching and very vivid. The love that comes through the poem is strong. I enjoyed it.

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heinzs
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Post by heinzs » Fri Sep 24, 2004 11:19 pm

Thank you Spazway!

:cool:
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heinzs
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Autumn on the Hill: First Rewrite

Post by heinzs » Sat Sep 25, 2004 12:12 pm

Here's a firs re-write according to suggestions and critiques received so far from Miyu and a poetry reading group I meet with on Fridays.

Autumn on the Hill

Autumn’s blush paints technicolor
the usual mountainside greens and browns -
bright hues highlighted by peek-a-boo sun.
Nutkin darts from rock to tree
and twitches his bushy tail
like a flagman’s signal to move along.

Between us, on the rug, I pour the Merlot.
The glasses clink and the squirrel stops
momentarily in his tracks,
then resumes burying his acorn.

You smile as you sip
through lips almost as dark as the wine.
How different it seemed then –
as if the future was unfolding
within the pleasant aspect
of the glorious present.

You never lost that smile.
Even near the end
your inner joy shone through
making a lie of the tubes and wires
keeping you alive.

That first autumn together
always comes back to me
here in the cool woods.
This magic place fills me
with your gentle love
and for a moment I, too,
may smile.

9/20/2004
HeinzS

Please feel free to add to the critique in the critique group forum. It's easy to join the discussion group.

Critique for this poem: http://www.poetrypages.com/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=24934

Join the usergroup:
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:mrgreen:
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Friend_forever
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Post by Friend_forever » Fri Dec 31, 2004 3:47 am

Great poem!!!! (the re-write looks fantastc!!!)

I have no critique for you, pops... only praise!!
And as I watch you in this light
I never realized your eyes were full of
So many colors.
~ Jadynara

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Debbie
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Heinz

Post by Debbie » Tue Dec 06, 2005 9:10 pm

:bump: too beautiful to not share with all the new ones..
I just love this poem Heinz...
:bow: :bow:
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Reach Out And Love Someone
Slow Down And Look around
You Will Find Someone Who Needs You.....

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heinzs
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Post by heinzs » Tue Dec 06, 2005 10:52 pm

Thanks for the bump, Debbie!

:mrgreen:
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ninian
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Post by ninian » Wed Dec 07, 2005 4:46 am

very glad this piece got bumped, heinz, it is lovely.

delicate and gentle with the wistfulness of a bittersweet memory...

well done ;)

ninian
Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly.

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Friend_forever
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Post by Friend_forever » Wed Dec 07, 2005 7:45 am

Still so beautiful Pops... :bow: :bow: :bow:
And as I watch you in this light
I never realized your eyes were full of
So many colors.
~ Jadynara

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heinzs
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Post by heinzs » Sat Dec 09, 2006 1:20 pm

:cool:
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Angeleyes
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Post by Angeleyes » Sun Dec 10, 2006 7:19 am

I thought this to be a very romantic piece. Very vivid. I could picture myself there. :grin:




:angel:
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~On the edge of this abyss I stand looking into eternity mesmerized by words spoken by you of undescribable beauty~ author {ME}

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