Secluded Refuge

[secluded_refuge]

Perplexed

It’s unclear to me
You haven’t fed off of me in awhile
But I’ve drained you dry
I remain ripe and willing
But your blood has soured
There’s no envy in your eyes
No hunger in your lips
Your soul has slipped away
Along with mine
They ran away to another plane
Where mayhem is abundant
Your fingertips are gray
But mine are greedy
And I miss your ravenous touch
You were once warm
As I was
But you’ve joined me
In this void of darkness
Yet no time was allotted
For you to play with
I have laid here
Surrounded by your rose petals
For far too long
But you won’t awaken
You’ve left me once again
With vacant madness
And crucified tears
Infinity was with you
Washing away in velvet tides
Under our blankets of heaven
Now all I can do is dream
Of you and me
Floating in the ballroom
On Plane 33
With stars in our eyes


---ega

[secluded_refuge]

Oh! Great pretender!

Pretend I'm nothing
Pretend I'm not worthy
And every time I call
Act as if I never had that right
The right to assume you’d listen
To dittoed heartaches
That you put me through
Pretend I’m a stranger
Without the crippled right to love you

Isn't that what you deny this is?
Love?
Love that never had an opening
To fully encase your lies,
That you gently developed
On that marvelous stage you built,
And crush them into oblivion

That's what I would have done
Pulled you inside out
Until you were at least a fragment
Of your former self
Because though you say
You don't think of me when you're alone
In that dim, memory encrusted room of yours
You still thank me for changing you
Changing you into something
That I could never be a piece of
Someone that resists familiarity

And the nights we spent
Pouring our souls out over the phone
The phone!
Of all places to convene
Now I can't even find you
In those eyes of yours
You've sunk into your own hell
The one that we always said
We'd never find

But you've found your tempest
And she's walked you to the edge
Do you like what you see?
Burning clusters of abandoned opportunity
Waiting for you to soar into

But, no, that's not you anymore
You’re a pathetic shell of the former
Former content you with deep thoughts
And tiny plans to call in an hour or so
Those years were pleasant you say
Or was that yesterday?
Or miles from the recent past?
In which you pretended to believe
In reckless arrangements
And amiable late nights

Well, now that you're alone
(Don't say you're not
We all know that's what it's labeled)
And I got that off my chest
I can erase you
You can be the new being
That never existed in my life

Go ahead, run along!
Throw yourself at someone else
Someday you'll think of me
And realize I've changed
Along with you

Yesterday was a game played long ago
Sorry you left yourself out
Hope you're overflowing with joy
And your definition of bliss fits you
Hope it’s what you sought after

One last question:
Are you happy?
Happy now?

---ega

[secluded_refuge]

push

I don't even know her name
Yet she's taken you away
You've turned from me
What is this lack of interest?
Three years have gone down the drain
And for what? A little kiss?
I'd like to say it wasn't worth it
But it was. Every second.
I wouldn't take it back
I would still miss your fingertips
And that look in your eyes
That made me feel needed
But, I can't have that anymore
Simply because I was truthful
I should've learned
Learned how to play the game
And corrupted you with lies
Maybe then you'd be in my arms
Cuz you always loved being pushed away

---ega

[secluded_refuge]

Happy Birthday

Happy birthday, baby
I got you a present
Sent it to your house
With a message in it

Know you’ll love it, baby
It’s specially picked
Just a little symbol
Of all the time we spent

Hope you like it, baby
I have to admit
Giving away your heart?
It’s tough to commit

It’s nicely wrapped, baby
Makes a perfect gift
Hope it’s not too mushy
If it is, please forget

Don’t mind that blood, baby
Or the tiny dent
You took everything else
This is all I have to give

Couldn’t be there, baby
Sorry I missed it
I was much too busy
Getting my wrists slit

---ega

[secluded_refuge]

Come Again

Childish views
Without a muse
Arrive again
Completely confused

What ignorant things
Your vengeance brings
To shame yourself
And mock the kings!

---ega

[secluded_refuge]

Okay I don't know where this one came from(it's just me going mad again), but title suggestions and comments are much appreciated. And if you figure out what this all means, please let me know.

~*~Liz
---------------------------------------------

Rose Colored Glasses (The Spectacle)

Running around in circles
A straight spin cycle
Set in the ‘60s
Hope I don’t get too dizzy
To walk in the parade

Damn pageants
Always leave me grounded
Makes me almost want to
Punch down the rebel
Dancin’ in the streets

Too busy thankin’ the “man”
For the smoke in his face
And the rose colored glasses
That have made him too delirious
To recognize the era

Someday I’ll harvest a corner
Where you can’t seek me
No more polka-dotted postcards
For this rusted soul
No, I never gave in to rotation

For now, it’s the venue
A charade for the masses
Like I’ll always say
Purple penguins gallivanting
With drunk pixie sticks

Don’t want that fairy dust on me
You’re too silver-tongued
For my roughed up edge
You don’t want to share
Your looking glass with me

No, my daisies are wilted
But you’ve got to blossom
With the rebel with the glasses
‘Cause my phantom needs a second rinse
Before it’ll dance with you

---ega

[secluded_refuge]

Only

I saw you cradled in the stars
Nestled in the comfort of the night sky
Drawn across my face, a smile
Only I could wake you from your slumber

A silent peace existed in those eyes
Carefully sweeping from my mind to yours
A connection foreseen by the heavens
Only we could make the clouds cry

There I was, wishing to wake you
In the center of the tousled universe
To perhaps steal a kiss so simple
Only a deity could possess

How strangled I became by you
Intoxicated in the gaze of obsession
Deeply frozen by overlapping thoughts
Only my soul could truly visualize

Many nights I had envisioned you
And the starry euphoria that engulfed me
But you can’t make love to time’s ghost
Only to those cruel creatures
Disguised as dreams


---ega

[secluded_refuge]

Today

I died today
And all the leaves rusted
And fell to their doom
As I watched in slow
Coveted motion

It seems today
I heard you through the trees
Calling out my name
As your voice was hidden
Tucked in the wind

And for just today
I looked over my shoulder
As if I were a child again
And faintly remembered
Your quieted whisper

Suddenly today
I realized how sweet it was
To be tangled in a world
Where eyes were wide
With wonderment

Where everything paused
As if waiting
For something to be found
And destinies are kept
At a standstill

But today
I gave it all away
And traded in my fate
For a date with death
And a glimpse of you


---ega

[secluded_refuge]

Just something I jotted down, when my friend told me she wanted me to write something a little upbeat for a change. I think I responded in the happiest way possible.

~*~Liz

------------------

Hippies . . . or something like that

Watch out for the hippies
Running free
Bouncing about
Thinking of their pleasantries

You can gather the daffodils
In the rain
But whatever you do
Please refrain
From smoking that damn
Sugar cane


---ega

[secluded_refuge]

Blacklight

Sing me a song.

A dark song.

So I may see the light.

Pouring out of you.

As the ironic glow.

Of your wings.

Transcends.


---ega

[secluded_refuge]

Okay if anyone would like to help me out with this one (it doesn't really have any form, and I think I would like it to) it would be much appreciated. Suggestions, comments, criticism, any of these are welcome. Thanks for reading.

~*~Liz

-----------------------

Boredom

Boredom is the key to my kingdom
I gladly invite you in
Into a world where beings dwell
At the bottom of their soles
Forget the rubber fields
And join me
In this solitary exultation
Dripping with insanity’s resin
Discontent never sounded so tasty
Reluctant smiles never stretched so thin
Loathing made for the bothered
Is awaiting you
A simple program designed
For the lack of design in you


---ega

[secluded_refuge]

The Wistful Fly

The wistful fly
Flutters by
With awful twisting thought

It sees the cry
Of the watcher’s eye
But it’s colors can’t be bought

And even though
It’s wings are slow
It’s envy, very quick

And this harmless foe
Does keep it’s home
In the devil’s walking stick


---ega

[secluded_refuge]

Vertigo

Oh dark devil,
Why do you love me so?
Am I a mere victim
Of your fallen vertigo?

Your day hauntings surround me
No puncture wounds of twilight
It’s just a screaming plea
To die with you tonight

Oh dark demon,
I’ve seen those sooty wings
When I hear you coming
I know what trouble brings

I’ve set foot in your labyrinth
And felt the disease in me
But now I demand you
Stop the coil, set me free!


---ega

[secluded_refuge]

Bottled Asphyxiation

I cracked open my bedroom door
Deciding to approach the inevitable
A scary scene waiting for me
On the depressed living room couch

Feet followed the miser trail
Of discarded popcorn kernels
And battered memories of new
That would forever stain that carpet

You sat wallowing in your pain
Laughing at the site of murdered house wives
Blistered across the television screen
On the local crime channel

Fingers grasped a tired remote
And an old best friend was resting there
In your worn-out has-been hands
That tried so hard to be noticed

I wiped away that meaningless tear
And tiptoed back through the hall
Wondering when you would give up
That vice that kept me hidden

I cracked open my bedroom door
Sat and watched “Happy Days”
In that room, like a child, defeated
By trying to share a coke with a stranger.


---ega

[secluded_refuge]

Dear Demented Diary

A situation is coming undone.
Or maybe already has.
My apocalypse is getting antsy.
My life, turning into reruns
Of a twisted Dawson’s Creek.

Can’t I just be labeled a freak?
With hazardous mind waste
Uneven thoughts
Of . . . what’s it called?
Ah, love.

My one crutch that always
Seems to collapse.
The one thing that pinches me
While I’m stuck to my daydreams
Stopping me in mid-thought.

I demand an antidote
To this poison inside
That feeds that chuckling butterfly.
It was never supposed to be there.
Neither was he.

It’s petrifying that I might give in.
I’m not like that .
I can’t be jittering around all day
With nonsense smiles
And fake phone calls in my hand.

I’ve been through it once.
Only to drown it in it
With all the other idiots
And friends are easier to keep
Right?

I know this feeling
It never ends well
At least not when he’s invaded
A close friend
With his contradictions.

And the sting of betrayal never washes away.

---ega
_________________________________

Jealousy Comes to Fruition

A plum sits on the windowsill.
I’d sell it to the man next door
But his wife’s allergic
So it just sits there
Smiling at me
Like a damned villager.

I would’ve sprung for an apple
But they were 10 cents more
And I’d kill for a dime
So I’m stuck with a plum
Grinning at me
Because I left the apple behind.

Damn fruit.

---ega
_________________________________

Those Cruel Gestures

Tragic it seems,
That a young girl
Might eventually hate man.
For the cruel things reiterated upon her.

But, the tragedy isn’t absolute.
At least not until one compels her,
To despise the one cure she had.
Love.

---ega
_________________________________

Tethered

How does it feel to give it all up?
For a box of nothing
And an apartment of parasites
I would’ve done it
But it’s the thought that gets to me
An eternity with the worms
Not to mention the sack of shit
A couple of feet away
What would possess one
To throw it away so quickly?
To counteract the money spent
The toothpaste and toilet paper wasted

You were right after all
Everything falls to shit eventually
And I guess you couldn’t wait
You had to get your hands on some fresh dirt
It always had to be fresh for you
A fresh new house with fresh new friends
And fresh new ideas of a lucky hand
And so what other way am I to think of it?
It’s ironic with you and always has been
I’ve never forgotten to take a chance too late
And you’ve slipped out the window,
Hung up on the last phone call and cut the cord

I’m sure you’re laughing
Not at the constant hammering that ensues
Or the late night hallucinations
Of what might have come for you
If only you had woken up
No, you’re laughing at those flowers
That I’m forced to travel with every month
All because you made a choice
You finally got stuck in a world
Where nobody is obligated
To look into those begging eyes of yours
And somehow I’m still chained to it

---ega
_________________________________

Deprivation's Barb

A cactus encompassed
By tattooed hands
Begging to be pricked
In the dark of solitude
Stood alone
Looking to be tricked
While a faceless clown
Held a sigh
Under the blackened sheath
Overlapping a blade
Of stone
That never came to be
Upon which
A smoke filled leper stood
Waiting for a spin
To kiss the thorn
That pricked his love
That never might have been

The reason for my telling
Of a tale
Of prying shape
Is trust that one day
You will find
Infatuation’s never late

---ega
_________________________________

As I Was Leaving

Your grave was there today
But you weren’t
You were mocking me
Behind the trees
Whispering obscenities
As I yelled at you
For leaving

You’re no better
Than those branches
You hide behind
I’m here
And you never saw it
I was always waiting
While you were leaving

I think it’s time
You kept those thoughts
Out of my head for once
Because I’m burning my own
And the spark of the gun
Seems to be calling
For a little companionship

You knew I was here today
But you weren’t
You were dismissing
My demons for yours
Coddling your scapegoat
And you didn’t hear me

As I was leaving

---ega
_________________________________

"Careful"

Careful, it’s not supposed to hurt like that
But I like the pain...
Nevermind the pain
I want your soul
To feel it, to seize it
To devour it
I want it to bend around the crevices
Your way, not mine
Mine’s too predictable
I want it to sting
To burn off this halo
Make me vulnerable
Corrupt me with your hands
Give me a reason
I’ll breathe it in
I want an excuse
To let it go, all of it
The light’s becoming infectious
I’ll let you in, if you extract it
I want to feel you
Seeping into me
I want your disease
To fake it, to taste it
To bleed it
You can take me down
But be careful...
You’re not supposed to feel like this
But I love the pain

---ega
_________________________________

A Decent Trade

I have come to buy my sanity back
Perhaps you will accept
Or perhaps you'd like to pawn it
Maybe for a nice acoustic guitar
Or some jewelry for that bimbo of yours
Of course I've never met her
But aren't all of your prospects the same?

If I can't have my sanity
Could I at least have my sex back?
And those breaths you stole from me?
I'd much rather trade them with someone else
Maybe for a few late night phone calls
Or a ride to the dollar theatre
And a night of watching reruns on cable TV

But if you'd like to keep those too
I suppose I'll just have to go to Wal-Mart
And buy another copy of "cast away" on DVD
Because you never really liked volleyball
And of course a carton of cigarettes
Just so I can pretend to smoke you away
At least until I get enough gas to run you over

---ega
_________________________________

Incessant Laughter

You suck
I don't
Everything's a
fucking joke

Giggle gaggle
Giggle gaggle
Ha ha ha
Giggle gaggle
Giggle gaggle
Blady Blady bla

Guess I'm an adult now
So I can laugh at you
Immature pieces of shit
That just wanna screw

Giggle gaggle
Giggle gaggle
You're a whore
Giggle gaggle
Giggle gaggle
Friend no more

Steal him from me
I don't care
I was used
Now you're there

Giggle gaggle
Giggle gaggle
Cowardly prick
Giggle gaggle
Giggle gaggle
You make me sick

Use me up
Throw me away
Ignore my calls
I'm okay

Giggle gaggle
Giggle gaggle
Have your fun
Giggle gaggle
Giggle gaggle
Think you've won

Screw you two
Fuck this jest
You're both manipulative
I'm impressed

---ega
_________________________________

Just A Simple Realisation

Your black nails don’t impress me
I thought I’d let you know
Those lyrics in your head
Aren’t worth singing on the phone

And every time I hear them
In some drowning Pumpkins song
I think of all the feelings
That you never saw

The pleasure in my voice
That you could never hear
The single precise sadness
That Billy always feared

I hate the depreciation
Of the friendship we once had
And I loathe the dialogue
That never lingered in the past

It’s just a bunch of bullshit
That never had its chance
It’s just a flying aeroplane
That never planned to land

My black nails must impress you
I used to see it in your eyes
But we’re just two old souls
That never had the time

---ega
_________________________________

Red Eyes

My eyes turned red
And I had lost you
All over again

Sleep can’t help me now
Not even these lacking words
Can keep me safe

I give in to my tears
There’s no use
Fighting it

Thoughts of you
Always
Came rushing in

But there’s never been a flood
I can’t swim
Out of

Why am I doing this?
Looking around the room
To find words

That might take up some time
And cause this feeling
To pass

And at last
The swelling tears
Drop to my sheets

And for a moment
I consider
Laying down in them
To end this
Misery

But all that would bring
Is cluttered dreams
Of you

Collapsed by
My hushed secrets
The next mourning

Would the morning be better?
Perhaps
More vague than tonite
I’m not
Sure

But the nights
Are always worse
Aren’t they?

Wanting to show
My naked soul
To you

I usually
Don’t follow
Through

Too afraid that
To you
It might be
Too much

This time
I dialed
And found you
Pursuing another conversation

And felt defeated
Once again

I tried looking in the mirror
To find the answers
But no

I should’ve known
They’ve been lost
For far too long

I’m regaining sanity now
No more false crying
For you

I’ll awaken tomorrow
And have regained
Strength

But tonite
I’ll dream
Of you

Because
I miss
Your eyes

And at sunrise
I’ll find a way
To forget them

---ega
_________________________________

Untitled

It’s surprising
How I miss you
Until my fingers find their way
Funny
How you aren't needed, then
When it's over
Strange
How I don't long for you
To tease me
Peculiar
How I forget your kiss
At that moment

Still,
It's mind-numbing
How I can wake in the morning
Smelling your scent
Wishing you were here
Holding me

---ega
_________________________________

Father?

Father?
Did you ever once miss me?
As I have missed you
Father?
Have you come to pull me out?
I’ve been so bruised

Nevermind.
It’s just a shadow
Tricking a fool’s eyes
Nevermind.
Daddy’s girl doesn’t need you
By her side

Father?
After I called
Where did you go?
Father?
What were you doing?
When you didn’t answer the phone?

Nevermind.
I will cup my eyes
Until you return
Nevermind.
You told me not to cry
When you were with her

Father?
When you grow old
Will you remember me?
Father?
Without me
Do you feel complete?

Father?
I am tired
I wish you knew
Father?
Are sixteen years?
All I’ll know of you?

---ega
_________________________________

Gutterhead

Childhood memories escape me
Those times you were too busy to talk remain
The phone never was a great alternative
To the look in someone's eye

Take this love from me
And wrap it in a bow and throw it in the river
Put a ball of hate in it's place
And let it nest there until I'm numb

Call me twenty years down the road
Say you're sorry
But don't forget I've tried it
And I don't wish to any longer

You think I'll want the same person that made me cry
The one that made me stumble over my own heart
And want to slice open those bothersome veins
Just to stop the pounding

No, I'd rather you be dead in a gutter
Because my heart stopped beating long ago
And you don't really matter that much
Anymore

---ega