ChaoticWhisper

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ChaoticWhisper

First Kiss

Post by ChaoticWhisper » Mon Jul 07, 2003 3:59 am

<a name="#sixteen"> First Kiss </a>

Two Eyes blue
staring into
Two eyes grey
confusion set in

Closer together
until lips meet
fear vanishes
passion moves in

World just flew by,
and the rain poured down
cities fell
and they were none the wiser

Trapped in that sweet embrace
the butterfly softness
the spring morning of it all
the skies disappeared

For all that mattered
all that life was about
all the hope they would ever ask for
was found in the first kiss

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ChaoticWhisper

Cycle

Post by ChaoticWhisper » Tue Jul 08, 2003 1:57 pm

<a name="#seventeen"> Cycle </a>

Sun Shines
peaceful april noon
teardrops in his eyes
Destiny's revenge on his brow

He smiles
poetry in motion
starclouds in his mind
Yesterday's dreams on his soul

Rain falls
cloudy summer night
hearts that beat as one
now march alone in the breeze

Forgotten wishes
windy autumn night
fireflies all have dissappeared
Blossoms of hope have faded...forever

Still
somewhere in the dead of night
a cricket chirps
and fate is renewed
at least until tomorrow

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ChaoticWhisper

Trapped...

Post by ChaoticWhisper » Fri Jul 11, 2003 2:16 am

<a name="#eighteen"> Trapped... </a>

note-this was something that I was playing around with for a while, and I took the advice of a friendand turned it into a song.


yeah i fell for you at the very first glance
convinced that i just had to take that chance
turned by your exotic charms
wanting to be lost in your beguiling arms

and then i saw you leave that day
your ebony hair, pulled aside that way
just like the romance
that you dropped away
and now i can honestly say

you’ve got me
trapped in a whirlpool
sinking forever
thrashing and flailing
constantly wailing
heartache is burning
fanatically yearning
eternally waiting
almost salivating
for the day when you’ll come back to me

you never professed to want me forever
even when we spent that time together
dancing in the cool night air
never knowing i was caught in your stare

and i will see your face one day
that ebony hair, just may shine my way
that same cool facade
you’ll never drop away
maybe then i will still hear myself say

you’ve got me
trapped in a whirlpool
drowning forever
dreaming that we could
still be together
my heart's still burning
and my soul is still yearning
desperately finding
that your love is still binding
until i realize you won’t come back to me

wanting and waiting
anticipating
a dream... that will never return
tossing and turning
desperately burning
someday, i think, that maybe i'll learn-

that you’ve got me
trapped in a whirlpool
fighting forever
even though we will
never be together
thrashing and flailing
and i won't be waiting
so no more scheming
or eternal dreaming
that you would come back to me
because you, yeah you- were never mine

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ChaoticWhisper

jump

Post by ChaoticWhisper » Fri Jul 11, 2003 2:32 am

<a name="#nineteen"> jump </a>

Do you want it so bad
that you feel that taste
that sickening feeling
in the back of your throat
that threatens to wreck everything?

Do you fear it
more than life itself
more than those skeletons in your closet
or the bogeyman
that you once loathed?

Does it inhabit your thoughts
even when you try to push it away
does it make you dream
and wonder what if?

Then Jump!
It's not as far as you think
and you will never know
unless you go that mile

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ChaoticWhisper

clean

Post by ChaoticWhisper » Mon Jul 14, 2003 12:13 pm

<a name="#twenty"> clean </a>

All of the clouds
in the sunny sky
with their sliver linings
took away my pain

Dreams became reality
when I ascended the skies
and claimed my birthright

Destiny gave it's kiss
said that we were special
that we were blessed
that we were just plain cool

And there you sit
looking at me
not with condescension
but with pride

I'd rather be me
than somebody's dream
than their idealized glamours
let me be me

The winds carry my hopes
to the land of roses and lilacs
and charm rears it's head
for the new day rising

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ChaoticWhisper

going on

Post by ChaoticWhisper » Tue Jul 15, 2003 4:57 pm

<a name="#twenty one"> going on </a>

I saw you the other day
walking on Rodeo Drive
you didn't even look my way
didn't notice i was alive

I heard your voice last Tuesday
singing in my shower
I tried to make it go away
but it lasted for an hour

I felt your breath upon me
as I tried to fall asleep
I just tried to lay there, quietly
as my soul began to weep

I saw your name today
in the garden of stone
i cannot look at you the same way
now that you are in your new home

My friends might call me crazy
because i see you everywhere
but let them judge me all they want
because i don't really care

You may be in hell, or maybe heaven
and just not know what to do
but i am doing pretty well on day six hundred eleven
even if i can't get over you

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ChaoticWhisper

thirteen days

Post by ChaoticWhisper » Wed Jul 16, 2003 10:23 am

<a name="#twenty two"> thirteen days </a>

*note: this was my entry for the July Challenge, but I decided to post it here as well.*
--------------------------------------------------

It starts with day one,
but it never lasts
Now pay attention,
'cause this goes kind of fast

The velvet curtains part,
as i start to question why
my life has been torn apart,
my soul's fled to the sky

Day two brings overwhelming fear,
lasting long into the night
I ball up, torn apart by tears,
that ravage my eyesight

Days three through five pass,
just more of the same
I've become a tortured mass,
a dream that's lost it's name

On day six, i get out of bed,
though I'd really rather not
With all of this pounding in my head,
the world has become too hot

"Good Morning Stanley", i say on day seven,
as i pass the omnipresent doorman
daylight is as blinding as heaven,
i want to leave it if i can

Day eight is a catastrophe, simple as that
assaulted by a thousand purple paperclips
Later, trying to pick up my cat,
i end up with a torn lip

On day nine i'm given quite a fright,
as i witness in the park,
the demented chuckling of a twisted sprite-
the reason you stay home after dark

Days ten and eleven seem to be better,
in a world covered in candyfloss
My muse would lose her marbles if i let her,
but i really can't afford the loss

On day twelve, it looks like I'll win,
my shopping contest with Calvin Klein
I thank the stars that i am now thin,
because that cool outfit is finally mine

The next day arrives, not a moment too soon
and i know that the whole world is mine
For i am finally over you,
and it only took thirteen days this time

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ChaoticWhisper

the gift of hate

Post by ChaoticWhisper » Thu Jul 17, 2003 1:54 am

<a name="#twenty three"> the gift of hate </a>

rough winds capture my discontented soul
as I am hurled through this lurid oblivion
If had hopes or dreams, they would probably show
a rescue, an intervention of sorts

lying in this pit of despair
with it's jagged floors and polluted walls
armed with the only gift of my savior
that venomous sword of guilt

beyond any form of caring
so far gone on my endless journey
that no amount of rotted bread crumbs
could guarantee deliverance

When a soul is taught to fear the light
to cower in fortune's stare
how can it be expected to experience anything
besides this eternal darkness called hate

---note: i had no clue where to put this, but is is kind of dark i suppose. ---

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ChaoticWhisper

Frozen

Post by ChaoticWhisper » Fri Jul 18, 2003 2:17 am

<a name="#twenty four"> Frozen </a>

Snowflakes cascade in hypnotic dance,
as icicles glance off of my cheek.
Icy breaths keep me in a trance,
my soul starts to become weak.

Time-frozen lilies fade on their stages,
madness resounds in my head.
The crestfallen angels, still in their cages,
fill my hollowed heart with dread.

thoughts pass me by in this glittering chaos,
filled with echoes of yesterday.
My senses are assaulted by tears of the lost,
while i try to keep my hunger at bay.

Trapped in silent prisons of my own design,
with insanity as my only friend,
the tears fall down as the voices whisper,
"careful- you are nearing the end."

I broke your heart, but then gave you mine,
without any sense of dejection.
Now we have fallen out of beat and rhyme,
and I am left with this nightmare of perfection.

Snow falls delicately on frozen ground,
covering the remains of tragic reality.
The voices of the angels drown out any sound,
here in this land of endless despondency.

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ChaoticWhisper

obsessed

Post by ChaoticWhisper » Tue Jul 22, 2003 1:46 pm

<a name="#twenty five"> obsessed </a>

--note- this is a bit simplistic, i know, but the original version just sounded too complex for the topic.--

I can surely wait til Monday
it's only a week from now
now, don't look at me that way
for i can do it, somehow

I start to tremble
and my knees give way
my breathing resembles
an ocean of shallow waves

my voice fills the air
with incessant noises
people start to stare
and i am left with few choices

I can't admit i want you
or need you with all i possess
i'm not even sure i want to
be relieved of all this stress

I'm not an addict, i swear
to anyone that asks
just because i see you everywhere
and you forsake me at every chance

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ChaoticWhisper

...a day

Post by ChaoticWhisper » Tue Jul 22, 2003 3:50 pm

<a name="#twenty six"> ...a day </a>

I had a bad day
when they took my innocence
and plastered it over town
like yesterdays lottery winner

I had a bad day
when i fell for you in june
and i denied my emotions
as you pretended not to care

I had an good day
when i pledged my love to you
and the world stopped spinning
for a fraction of a second

I had a bad day
when i stood in the cold rain
and smiled at people passing
as the flowers on your grave faded

I had a bad day
when i looked into heaven
and realized with bittersweet tears
that i had to keep on with life

I had a bad day
when i woke up screaming
wanting something that was gone
wishing for a dream without an ending

I had a day
when i finally accepted
that just because you're away
doesn't mean that you are gone

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ChaoticWhisper

Calidity

Post by ChaoticWhisper » Thu Jul 31, 2003 5:58 pm

<a name="#twenty seven"> Calidity </a>

Icy flames mock my every move
as if laughing at my imperfection
I stare them down, I've something to prove
and I am going under without protection

Years of heartache, seasons of pain
have become my trusted shield
my hollowed heart has been hardened by rain
and the endless questions it has had to field

I touch the fire, with it's chilling grace
and feel the power engulf me
I start to feel lost, without a trace
a man trapped in tragic lucidity

Skeleton trees burst into flames
as the torridity cleanses my soul
bitter emotions, faces without names
become forever lost in this black hole

I've walked endlessly through the fire
remembrances of eternal joy I've found
for I have obtained my one true desire-
my demons have at long last been bound

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ChaoticWhisper

Pray for rain

Post by ChaoticWhisper » Tue Aug 12, 2003 9:49 am

<a name="#twenty eight"> Pray for rain </a>

Staring into desolation
faced with the harsh light of day
I wander this cracked and blistering desert
wondering if rain will find it's way

I am armed with only this rusty shield
created with heartbreak and sorrow
It is useless against the merciless sun
maybe it will serve me better tomorrow

In the distance I spot a fleeting oasis
filled with my bitter salvation
my mind is deluded by this mirage
that never stays for any duration

I break into a run, chasing the dream
as it appears to move farther away
my soul convinces me that i will be fine
if only the hallucination will stay

I endlessly pursue the fading day
as night abruptly starts to fall
my spirit starts to wonder, as i still wander
where I find the strength to stand at all

My body collapses, riddled with fatigue
too exhausted to feel guilt or pain
the last thing i think as my being goes under
is that i really should pray for rain

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heinzs
The Fat Cat
Posts: 8419
Joined: Tue Dec 18, 2001 12:01 am
Tag line: Do no harm
Location: Novato, CA
Contact:

Post by heinzs » Fri Jun 11, 2004 1:45 pm

Saved from purging:

<a name="#twenty nine"> Temptation ... (re-write) </a>

speeding down the road
on an endless summer night
staring into the distance
at the headlights passing by

listening to rain
playing its tribal beat
keeping your eyes on the road
as i nearly fall asleep

technicolor wonderland
all in a slow motion daze
your bright eyes shining
tempting me to stray

my heart belongs to the one
that dreams of me every day
and i could never hurt him
so stop looking at me that way

hooded eyes keep stealing glances
as if trying to read my mind
I turn to look in the rear window
and darkness is all i find

the car stops in a clearing
and you try to make a move
you say all the right things
trying to make the situation improve

my conscience screams that this is wrong
and that one day i would regret
any transgression that we would do
so of this chance i must forget

i leave you sitting in your car
and slowly walk away
ignoring your cries to return
as I keep my desires at bay

i break into a run
oblivious of the rain
feel my heartbeat pounding
glad to be free again

I find my way home
to a man deep in slumber
and I stare at his sleeping form
as i fill with silent wonder

and my soul is simply clean
no need to ask for redemption
no guilty countenance is here
because i survived temptation

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______________________________

<a name="#thirty"> Lost</a>

The footsteps always whisper,
in the darkest hours of night,
threatening to remind me,
of a world long lost in the sands of time

The dawn that seemed eternal,
now fades away silently,
into a unfathomable darkness,
that waits for a reprieve.

I was told that I could not exist.
on bread and water alone,
and a soul needs more than darkness,
to survive the chaotic bliss.

The nightingale calls me,
it's haunting plea penetrating my being,
urging me back into the light,
and i awake in a cold sweat.

Was it all a dream...
a torrid nightmare to which i must surrender?
Or was it merely a rambling
of a heart caught in the eclipse?

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<a name="#thirty one"> Evolution </a>

This is something that i originally wrote a few years ago, and have rewritten about 13 times. I love the idea, but for some reasont he words never fit right. Anyways, any suggestions on what it's missing, if anything, would be appreciated!


A tightly wound soul
that is full of emotion
longs for a release
that is never granted

What was once a bright light
seems to have taken the hue
of the deepest of shadows
and the darkest of rain

I soar through the clouds
like a butterfly on the wind
uncertain of my path
and i move forward still

Where am I going?
Will I ever belong?
Does fate hear my prayers,
Or simply mock me?

The winds surround me
and i am tossed to and fro
until the decision is made
to let me fall on my own

I crash to the earth
amidst a rain of emotions
as the angels sigh
and the prisoner breaks free

Lying in a field
Whispering echoes of hope
Enveloped by beauty
Tortured by silence

Snow falls silently
cooling my inner beast
and leaves me staring
into the purifying breeze

And in that instant
I look to the skies
and exhale in solace
for once more, I am left
with a naked soul

And the butterflies soar
carried by the wind
till they find another
that was as pained as I

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__________________________

<a name="#thirty two"> Break-up </a>

The last time i saw you
there were tears in your eyes
and i knew that i could never be
what you wanted out of life

You spoke of wine and roses
of springtime every day
but when the moment of truth arrived
the things you had to say

of evil dreams
and twisted schemes
of forgotten ways
and difficult days
broken hearts that were
littering the road
their blood washing away
the story that you told

The ultimate drug is what you are
addictive to the last breath
in the tragedy you are the star
ever changing, until the death

One day the past will find you
and love's dark door will bind you
and you will merely wonder
what happened while you slumbered

And in that day
i could hate you more
and wish you felt pain
like i had before

But what would that get me
besides more pain and sorrow
so now i will just watch you idle by
praying for a new tomorrow

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_________________________________

<a name="#thirty three"> Moonlit Kisses </a>

My fate manifested itself
in a tempest of energy
a rapture of souls
all brought on by a kiss

I melt in your embrace
shrouded in moonlight
praying that night is eternal
and the moment lingers

When dawn breaks
will i remember you,
or will destiny take you away
and leave a hollow in my heart?

Do we live for tonight
and forget tomorrow,
or live for tomorrow
and regret tonight?

Moonlight washes our sins away
and instills faith anew,
when all that matters
is the echo of our hearts

For fate manifested itself
in a tempest of energy
a rapture of souls
all brought on by a kiss

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____________________________

<a name="#thirty four"> The Insomniac's Cafe </a>

I sit all alone, like i do twice a week,
at the shiny chrome counter,
and polish off my second cup of bitter guilt.

wide eyes stare at my plate,
which always looks half empty,
even though it is laden,
with generous amounts of sorrow.

Every night, from 1 to daybreak,
i chase ghosts that fall from my grasp,
all to avoid the inevitable nightmares,
that remind me of what i no longer possess.

The man at the counter serves my every need,
always there to remind me of loneliness,
and to refill my endless cup.

Morning comes, as i gather my things,
and make my trip down Lonely Way,
careful not to stray from my path,
and trying to walk on a full soul.

Rain falls down, washing it all away,
as i go to my bed, and fall asleep,
knowing that for now i have done my duties,
until the next trip to the Insomniac's Cafe.

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<a name="#thirty five"> The Day that Elvis Died </a>

Joshy turned 3 in '77,
On the day that Elvis died.
The guests pondered on the existence of heaven,
As the boy sat down and cried.

It is not entirely known,
If he understood it all.
His loneliness was full-blown,
As his birthday took the fall.

Ten years later, on that same August day,
Talk turned to the king once again.
The teenaged boy again faded away,
As the skies opened and let out their rain.

Josh was on the way to becoming a man,
And was finding it hard to wait,
But if he was given half the chance,
He could prove that he was great.

When He turned 21,he was alone,
And he tried to numb the pain.
He packed his bags, full of his dreams,
And bought a one-way ticket on a westbound train.

Josh became Joshua, and set the town on fire,
Rising to the top of a difficult game.
Surviving on talent and unmatched desire,
Those demons he has managed to tame.

Twenty-five years that Elvis had been gone,
Joshua had a day to call his own.
Even though the battle had not been won,
The King had finally let him borrow the thrown.

The world was mourning, talking of the past,
But Joshua didn't pay it any mind,
For he had found his true love, at long last,
And since she hated Elvis, she was the perfect kind.

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<a name="#thirty six"> Undefinable </a>

Metabolic refinery
most chaotic tragedy
charismatic painful bliss
welcome to tomorrowland

Take my hand
lead me into oblivion
keep me blind
like you do best

torture me forever
and make it go away
until I have forgotten
the pain of dreaming

Exacerbated misery
remembered silences of yesterday
Crash! Pow! Bang!
now this is love

Take my tears
share them with my hope
show me life eternal
away from this perpetual tragedy

Scream
make it go faster
leave me a note
to tell me where to go

Throw in the towel, to forget hurt
of psycotherapeutic frustrations
just give in to reality
or is it delusion?
I always forget

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______________________________

<a name="#thirty seven"> Incomplete </a>

Darkness surrounds me
as I stare into the sky
I look for your star
the one with a scar
praying that fate will bless me
and that you will return

But you never come
as much as i dream
as long as i weep
and fear haunts my sleep
and then i obsess
about what will never be

The stars fell down
the night you went away
and the birds stopped singing
and i hear the phone ringing
i pray that it's you
but it never is...

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_______________________________

<a name="#thirty eight"> Is This What Forever Feels Like? </a>

This Poem was selected as a Community Favorite on Oct. 29, 2003

Wind
Caresses my skin
like soft petals on tender grass
so fragile
and yet so strong

Breeze
carrying with it
the scent of daffodills and roses
forever moving
passes through it all

Torn
between lying in the meadow
and running through the waterfalls
I find myself
making a concious decision

Cool water
washes through
the sand colored hair
blurs my vision
yet sharpens reality

The still afternoon
reverberates in my soul
and reminds me
that maybe
life is worth something

Sweet tomorrow
now worth facing
because nature wrapped me up
and reminded me
that i was one of the special children

Peaceful morning
almost never experienced
weighted decisions
exquisite bliss
Is this what forever feels like?

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<a name="#thirty nine"> Pity? </a>

Half dejected, and so reflective
surrounded in coldest night
tears stream down porcelain cheeks
and even anger cannot hold it's bite

turned to silence, instead of laughter
trying to wallow in sorrow in fears
you think of perhaps looking for somebody,
the one to wipe away your tears

Bars forged with pain keep you
because they are of your own creation
trapped inside this hell and prison
searching, for a sort of validation

feeling tainted, somehow jaded
almost as if you were a ghost
you never seem to grasp the truth
that your own opinion matters most

when you fall out, and are drowned out,
it's by your own grace that you are saved
if you don't have any love for yourself
then why should the world give you the time of day?

so don't be a martyr, swallow the pity
take it just a day at a time
just take my hand, and i'll lead you on
soon enough, we'll get you in line

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____________________________

<a name="#forty"> Why? </a>

Why do i let you into
this tortured soul of mine
just to have you break me
and tear my world apart?

Why do i complicate everything,
turning my world upside down
by falling in love with you
even though i could never have you?

Why does my soul tremble
afraid that the world will not accept me
that somebody will see through me
and discover that i am ordinary?

Why do you lead me on
Toss my emotions into the skies
then back to the depths of hell
while i think that i have a chance with you?

Why am i standing here in darkest rain
staring at fading tail-lights
as you drive away into the lonely night
perhaps never to be seen again?

Why I am I always left wondering
trying to figure out why my life is so harsh?
maybe it is simply because
i spend too many hours in life, asking myself why

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<a name="#forty one"> consider yourself warned </a>

Candy coated tragedy
most exquisite destiny
tossing turning never learning:
what's done is done and what's right is wrong.

Raven haired jezebel,
not quite dead but still in hell
souls on fire with desire,
to make the world suffer as she has.

You see, the girl is constantly scheming,
never letting on that she is secretly dreaming
ready for learning forever yearning
to find the lost and lonely girl inside

She'll reel you in with her blackened heart
and eventually tear your mind apart
save her today, throw her away
your decision really has no impact

Falling under her spell may cost you the world
because she is just that type of girl
preying on fears, as she has for years
until one day she will completely fade away

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________________________________________

<a name="#forty two"> Looking Glass </a>

I saw the looking glass,
with brilliant eyes gazing.
I searched it's clouded truths,
longing for a glimpse of reality.

The image that i beheld,
was of un-masked innocence.
Disbelief clouded my soul,
for the mirror told no truth.

My fist shattered the illusion,
and a glittering snowfall began,
tearing at my arms like wire,
torturing my soul with emotion.

Blood marred the illusion of perfection,
as fragments of that countenance
cast their mocking glare upon me,
And the glass continued to decieve.

Broken, I sat on the floor,
and cried myself to sleep,
Until the harsh light of day set in,
and i beheld that the mirror was whole

I had not been decieved at all,
but a window to my soul had been opened,
allowing me a glimpse
of the wonder that had always been.
For the first time, I believed.

I stare into the looking glass,
with brilliant eyes gazing.
i search it's clouded truths,
and catch a glimpse of reality.

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__________________________

<a name="#forty three"> Haunted </a>

3:27, AM, i think it was a wednesday
I woke up screaming
trapped in the sheets
and covered in a cold sweat

I was in a place that was home
yet it seemed unfamiliar
I think I cried your name
or maybe I just cried.
I wanted to touch you
embraced for eternity

If I was given half the chance
I would tear you out of heaven
or is it Hell?
I guess I can never be sure

What do you want from me?
This question plagues my soul
Should I stand on a cliff
throwing your memory to the skies
hoping that the winds carry you away?

Should I dream...
of castles in the clouds
and soft summer nights
with warm gentle breezes?

Or do I simply live through the days
and pray for the strength
to survive the hollow nights?

I took the high road
the one filled with trials
so that one day
i could say that i was a survivor
Can you tell that I am so happy about that?

Let me just try to fall asleep
struggling to forget the fear
until the next time
the cold sweat invades my dreams

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_____________________________

<a name="#forty four"> Saving </a>

pseudo-quasi
self depreciating
sado-masochism
served with a smile
bitter, party of you

exhaustion disguised
as poetic lunacy
somewhat accepted
just passed of as erratic
to ignore truth

she said
he said
you weren't worthy
you thought
she thought
you'd lost your mind
did you really buy that?

decieved
by lofty castles
and your grandiose persona
into becoming
a ghost in a shell

then you woke up
out of nowhere
trying to escape this waste
of a perfect life
the terrors of the prison
that is your mind

menagerie of phantoms
twisting in the wind
arms outstretched
reaching for the skies

where to start now
to pick up the pieces
to find the beginning
that really was the end
of yesterday

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________________________

<a name="#forty five"> Is It Worthy It? </a>

blonde hair curls
and spills over his eyes,
over a face that seems
too delicate for a man

he bites his lip
until the familiar taste
of copper blood
grazes his tounge

clad all in white
with porcelain skin
he could almost be an angel
except for the hell in his eyes

he stares into emptiness
asking how he ever became
this perfect looking creature
without a heart, without a soul

hair is brushed back
revealing the flawless face
as a single teardrop
makes it's way to his chin

searching for a saviour
longing for inner peace
dreaming of the one
that could turn him whole again

he moves from the mirror
and wanders, and realizes
that perfect isn't always
what you think it will be

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User avatar
GoddessErika
In-a-Sense Lost
Posts: 579
Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2004 11:53 pm
Location: Dislocated
Contact:

Post by GoddessErika » Wed Aug 17, 2005 10:56 pm

<center>Edit complete 8/17/2005 ~GoddessErika</center>

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