GoddessErika's New Archive Page

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GoddessErika's New Archive Page

Post by GoddessErika » Sun Mar 30, 2014 1:54 am

GoddessErika's Archive

Age: 37
Sign: Leo
Sex: Yes please
Location: Dislocated
Occupation: 50% Occupied, 50% Vacant
Interests: Yep, I'm interesting!
Real Name: Anarcha (Erika) Basta

***The Goddess’ Story***
***Between the Linens and the Lines***
***Love and Romance***
***The Darker Side of Purgatory***
**Senryu, Cinquain & Short Forms***
***Poetry In General***
***Lost and Found***
***Challenge Entries***
***Featured Publications***

***The Goddess’ Story***
December 2005

Well, let me start by clarifying the name attached to the posts that you’ve been/will be reading. For you to get an accurate idea of who I am, I feel it critical that I do so. The prefix “Goddess” was picked up long ago from man I dated who called himself the “Greek God.” When I adopted “GoddessErika,” it was merely an attempt to make fun of the title that he had given himself. In no way, should you perceive it as a reflection of how I actually see myself. I am not vain or stuck-up, and I definitely don’t believe that I am any better than you, so please don’t take it personally. Truthfully, I actually envy most of the "general" population. However, since we did date for quite a while, the name has since then stuck with me.

Following is a short, (very short) summary of my life… my oh-so-interesting life, my inspiration, and reason for feeling 32 years older than I am...

During the first few years, I was a happy, well-off, educated, artistic, free spirited, innocent little girl. And, thank god for those few years, because without them, I probably wouldn't have been able to build-up the strength it took to keep me from killing myself years ago.

Fast forward to age 6… when my happiness crumbled and my stability, now infested with maggots, began to disintegrate. Why… because my mother decided to marry a raging alcoholic/cocaine junkie/horribly pathetic gambling addict whose almost constant displacement issues kept him busy beating, terrorizing, and belittling both of us whenever the track, the crack, or the Miller-Lite did him wrong. In short, the next 10 years of my life were spent somewhere between my violence ridden-poverty stricken-horror filled home, hospitals, halfway houses, the streets, cheap hotels, and battered women’s shelters. If you need a visual, picture a house where broken dishes, holes in walls, doors slammed off their hinges, and blood spatter were about the only permanent parts of the decorative motif.

Amazingly, throughout it all I was able to keep my head together enough to get a job, buy a car, graduate from high school, and move on. Of course, I was no angel, but driven by the desire to escape that Hell, I somehow managed to stay in school, out of jail and, (other than your typical teenage experimental phase) off of drugs. Which I’m sure at the time could have been easily mistaken for a soothingly mind-numbing, even if temporary, solution to my problems.

Fast forward to age 18… Yes, I survived it! Whoo-hoo! Now I can get on with my life and away from the death that I had been living. Or so I thought…

Later that same year, with all the family and friends in tow, the guy I was dating decided to propose to me. I said yes. (Although the voices in my head were screaming “NO!”) I just couldn’t bear to embarrass him in front of his audience, which was of course his reasoning behind inviting them in the first place!

Now that I wanted out, and since we already shared an apartment together, my only way to escape that marriage was to temporarily move back home.(Which given any normal situation, I'd prefer to die!) But... since the rest of my life that was at stake, I swallowed my pride and called my mother. Three days later I find out I'm pregnant. (Now 19)

Since I actually did maintain a grasp on the early childhood morals that I had been taught, I didn't feel right about seeking an abortion without even telling the father; but then again, I knew if I did, I was going to behaving that baby. You see, he was the last survivor of the family name, and he was supposed to be infertile! So I knew that if I opened my mouth, his whole damned family would get "miracle baby, pass on the family name” syndrome and I’d be forced to go through with it. As I’m sure you can figure out- is exactly what happened, and… there's the story of my son! (Still 19)

With the baby of course, came the marriage that I had previously rejected! And after nearly 3 years of that agonizing entrapment, I finally called it quits. He moved out, and about a week later I came home to his corpse hanging in my bedroom. (Now almost 22/54)

With nothing left to do except to try to raise my son, and come up with a way to explain all this to him later, I enrolled college and got my degree. Ever since then, I’ve just rolled with the punches and tried to keep a positive head on my shoulders. Thankfully, I think I've somewhat achieved that (considering all of the above)!

Now, on to present day… I have no life, no free time, no family to help out (except 1 teenaged brother who is willing to babysit here and there so that I can at least pretend to be 28 once in a while); and I don't qualify for help from our government due to all of the lazy-ass, perfectly capable, welfare hording women who don't give a crap about the people who actually need assistance, and whom remain completely blind to what their continual rape of the system has done for us!

But... never-the-less, I’m here. I'm not in therapy, not poor (or well off for that matter), and I’m not crazy (ok, maybe a little)! I’m neither dependent on, nor expectant of the rest of the world to fix my mistakes, and I’m definitely not your stereotypical textbook definition of a person reared from an abusive home!

I’m not (and have never been) suicidal, or abusive. I’m not criminally minded, seeking vengeance, or hateful to the world for what I've been through; but most importantly, I don't feel sorry for myself. However, I do bear regret for my son, who sobs uncontrollably at times and wonders why he can’t have a daddy like the other kids.

So, in short, I've been down the shithole and back but because of that, I am me. At a time, I was surrounded by failure, but it was that failure that gave me the drive to succeed. I was shown each of death's many faces, which enabled me to appreciate almost any life that I would live. I was fed so much negativity that to practice it myself would positively bore me. I've suffered so much pain, that it has given me the immunity to those who try to hurt me now. I’ve cheated death so many times that I've become invincible.

I am a survivor, and though I can’t give my son his father back, I can teach him to survive as well. That way, when I die, he will need no explanation. He will find peace in knowing that his mom can finally rest, and that whatever trials he may be forced to endure, he will survive-because that is what I raised him to do.

***Between the Linens and the Lines***

Naked In Your Arms
Sleepless Nights
Shove Me
When We Meet Before Sleeping
This Night and Forever
Tucked In
Undressing for Work
Let Me Show You
I Ache for Your Taste
Submission Via Clothespin


Tonight I lie alone.
It's a word that follows me-

Most of my nights here
It shadows me-
Stalks my every move.

Oh, and alone brings
Silence too-
You mustn't forget silence-
For the two of them
Cannot be
One without the other.

A team they are-
A good one too,
Yet only when
You're on their side.

But tonight,
I root for the visitors-
I cheer for you,
For us,
For our team...

For company and intimacy,
For whispered pleasures
And the moans of ecstasy
That still linger here tonight.

Again, we have beaten them-
Alone and silence.
And although I lie in solitude,
I am miles from alone...

Images of you,
Thoughts of you
Keep me warm
And smother my barren body-
Just as your tender lips did
Only hours ago.

I close my eyes
And strangely
I can see
And you on top of me

I can feel you,
As if you were still here
Inside me.

Not tonight...
For I have dreamt you
Into my reality.

Back to Index


To a new day,
We awaken
We greet the morning after silently.

For what seems like hours
We lie,
Studying each other.

Within you I see a calm,
Much like last night’s calm-
A peace unsurpassed.

Sometimes your lips smile playfully
But mostly you just watch me-
Watching you.

I close my eyes
But I wake to find your eyes
Still upon my face,
As if forever.

Deeper and deeper,
Gaze by gaze,
We enter together.

A place beyond other places,
A place beyond bodies.
And without even the slightest of touches
We make love to each other.

Back to Index


Coax me, tenderly persuade me
In a fleshy knot enslave me.
Bend my thoughts, make me sway
In all you sinful, sexy ways.
Urge me gently plead, implore
Take me, make me need you more!
Press your lips upon my skin
Taunt the animal within.
Whisper words of fantasy
Elicit a response in me.
Touch me, taste me through and through
Now, let me have my way with you…

Back to Index

Naked In Your Arms

Come inside me
Ride me
Tie me
To the bedposts
Baby tease me
On your knees for me
Tell me how you want it
Taunt me
Try and tame me
Scream my name for me again
Fucking taste me
Trace my
Contours with your tongue
Turn me over
Burn me
With your wicked fire
Excite me
Invite me to the edge
Now command me
Demand me
To release
Thrust in me
Trust me
I'm almost there
Yes, baby yes...
Elevate me
Beyond ecstasy
The take me
Wake with me
Naked in your arms.

Back to Index


This is what I meant
When I said you were exhausting me…
I meant that without you, I am restless…
I am so tired now,
Tired of hurting,
Of hoping,
Of wanting...
Of trying to resist
The urge to control.
I am tired of waiting for you.
Of aching for your touch...
Tired of this burning need
To feel you deep inside me.
To be at your mercy,
Moaning and throbbing-
While I plead with you-
Whimpering out your name
As I’m trying to remember to breathe.
Tired of feeling like I have no other choice
Except to be seared by your fire.
Like a moth to a porch light,
I am tired of not being able to resist
The beauty hidden within your fire.

Back to Index

Sleepless Nights

As I lie here tonight sleepless as I often am,
I think of you.
Picturing your sweet smile and imagining your warm embrace
Somehow eases my restlessness.
Reality reminds me that you are miles away,
Yet the love I feel for you brings your heart to me.
I envision your body lying next to me
A gentle streak of your ever-so-tender fingertips
Slowly trickles down my spine.
I close my eyes as my imagination takes its course.
Gradually creeping toward my inner thigh-
Your touch seems too sincere to be imaginary.
I feel your caress,
Your delicate kiss,
And the faint trace of your tongue
Tantalizing at the taste of love.
As my yearning increases, I find myself fondling my breasts.
Only to drift into a sullen slumber
In which I will awake to find you at my side-
Where reality begins its deja vu
An erotic replica of last night’s visions.

Back to Index

Shove Me

Standing there,
That momentary stare
Before the shove
I fall backward
In giggles
As you look upon
With admiration
Like a predator
You pounce upon your prey
I surrender
As you weave your fingers
One by one in mine
Pin me down into the sheets
And softly groom me
With your tongue
As if you were tasting me
For the first time
I turn my head
To the side
Tempting you to nibble
But you don't take the bait
You'd rather wait
Til I'm on the edge
So you can shove me again
Grab me from behind
And press your hands
Into my thighs
Gentle raising my skirt
You unbutton my shirt
Just tongue and teeth
Pausing to catch a glimpse
Of my anxiousness
I feel your nails
Scraping at my hips
Trying to strip me
One last time
I give a gentle nudge
Of impatience
Too eager for your touch
To play this game
My efforts met
With the warmth and wetness
That I crave
My back arches
Whimpers softly break the silence
A heart beat's skip away
From release
I gasp for breath
And brace myself
My taste rushes into you
All thoughts beyond
This single moment
Cease to exist

Back to Index

When We Meet Before Sleeping

On the back of my tongue
I taste a faint trace
Of your sweetness

I close my eyes
And try to create you
In my mind

I trace my lips with
Fingertips still sticky
With release

A slow smile
Spreads across my face
And trickles down

Spreading my thighs
With whimpered sighs
The lonely cries of farewell

I plead for you-
So need for you
To enter me

I want so badly
For you to feel me
From the inside

To guide me to that place
Where face to face
We get lost in each other

Smothered in crumpled sheets
Knuckles whitened
I tighten my grip

Slowly you enter me
Paralyzing me
Hypnotizing me once more

Slowly tasting me
Your voice places me
Under your spell

Tongue gracing my skin
I bite my lip
Try to hold the moment in

I beg you to take me
Make me yours
At least for the moment

Enslave me
Make me crave you

Whisper so softly
Tell me you want me
To tease you again

Grab my hair
And steer me to where
I can claim you

A deep breath
A shudder
I hear you stutter my name

"So beautiful" you said
Gently brushing my cheek
One more kiss before we sleep

Back to Index

This Night and Forever
(Winner: Erotic Forum Award: October 1, 2005)

I have dreamed my whole life of this moment,
When you take me firmly and caress me,
Drive me wild with ecstasy.

Hold me with a strength unsurpassed,
Kiss me until I willingly submit to your every move
Then, release me gently, to reveal your passion.

Again, you clutch me strongly, take me,
And hold me in an embrace of warmth and love.
Send me into an abyss of sensuality.

You pull me back to tease me with affection, again and again.
Making my body ache with desire,
As you release my sexual passions.

I pray it never ends- the moment and the longing.
Here we are, united, making love to each other-
Endless love, our fantasies fulfilled.

Forever our lives are changed by what is now, and I surrender.
I am at your mercy, defenseless from your seduction.
Exploring each other inside and out, we make our way into ecstasy.

We swirl, and tangle in the actions of love.
You look into me, and stroke me softly,
Ever so carefully you move and moan in sweet anticipation.

We come together in an explosion of ecstasy
Gripping each other, gasping in harmony.

Slowly, deeply, rhythmically you enter my deepest thoughts,
Explore the contours of my soul.

Both of us untamed, as we consume each other.
We make love through every hour of the long still night.

Our kisses prolonging, as the dawn approaches-
Our attention undivided.

We study each other for hours in the coldness of night.
Needing and loving one another-
A love beyond imagination.

We kissed as never before,
Our lips still burning from the passion.

Our warm wet bodies falling and rising,
Discovering total ecstasy all through the night.
Loving in endless pleasure, naked and aroused.

In our minds, this moment is never ending
It will forever linger in our thoughts,
Making us crazy each time we remember.

This night, and forever, we belong to each other-
Heart and body,
Mind and soul.

Back to Index

Tucked In

Hair still wet from the shower
The rest would soon follow

My bones and body so tired
I begin to prepare myself
To retire for the night

… Or so I thought

… It was then that I first felt you

A touch so subtle
Yet so intentional
It commands my response

Your fingertips
Gently pace the length of my spine
And I am at your mercy

You know I am powerless now
And like a predator to prey
You move in for the kill

Reaching one arm back
You pull my body atop your own
Letting skin rest on skin

All the while
Your hands continue to roam
The length of my nakedness

Lips firmly filled with desire
Plant themselves upon my own
Our tongues begin to twist and tango

Every so often a gentle nip at the nape
Breaks their dance
Stunning me in a momentary rapture

You trade me places
And continue to explore
All the while leaving goose bumps in your wake

And this pleasure drips so thick
That I lose all control
When you place yourself inside

Your lips never leaving me
Tasting every sweet second
As if it were your last

I guide your fingers toward my face
And teasingly wrap my tongue ‘round each of them
So that I may savor you as well

Out the corner of my eye
I catch the sunrise watching us
As we fondle our way into tomorrow

And though I wish to never leave this moment
Reality outweighs my desires
And casts her spell of sleep upon me

Still nestled into your skin
Held tightly within you,
I close my eyes

One final breath of pleasure
Escapes my lungs as I drift off
Tucked in your love like a blanket

Back to Index

Undressing for Work
(a collaboration by GoddessErika and Friend_Forever)

It’s nine o’clock now
And I must leave again my love
As I make my way across the room to find my clothes
I can feel you watching me.

Every part of my body tingles with desire
As your hungry eyes take in my naked figure
Slipping into my office wear…
Your arms reach out, pulling me back to bed.

I feel the warmth of your hands upon my skin
Melting me into you
Then, with half-hearted effort I try to wriggle free
Knowing that I can't be late again.

Your grip tightens... pulling me further from my clothes
Your lips caress my pierced belly button
As your tongue plays with the stud earring hidden beneath
Struggling to get free… I grasp the bedpost next to me.

But my efforts only tease your senses
Moaning with passion,
You put your hand on my chin
And lift my face toward yours

You raise your eyes to mine and summon me to stay
“I want to play,” you say slowly under heavy breath
You stretch an arm up toward my face, placing your fingertips upon my lips
I twirl my tongue round teasingly, and accept your invitation

You wrap me up in your arms, casually kissing my desires alive
Then place my head lovingly upon your pillow
”My hair's all messed up”, I scream in a playful manner
Throwing caution to the wind, I remove my final piece of clothing

I can’t help but to whimper
While you take in my nakedness with every extension of your being
As you teasingly nibble every inch, taste me with tongue
Tracing my sweat glistened body, this moment burnt forever in memory

Lost in my own euphoric state
I disregard my (now previous) employment
Overpowered by greed’s physical urges
I plead… move faster, give me more

And my wish is your command
Rhythmically you pursue me
Our temperatures rising, a heightened climax ignites
And I am suddenly consumed within the heat of your flame

Your hands move slowly down, grabbing my hips
Your legs nudge mine apart
As you hold me, taking me deeper
Your lips whisper, "I love you"

Instantly oblivious to all that surrounds
My every muscle, every nerve freezes within me
Captivated by the power behind your words
Deafened by their unyielding echo in my mind

I reach up gently brushing your face with my fingers
Coaxing your gaze to meet my own
I search your eyes until I can see inside you
Voice quivering with adoration I manage to reply, “I love you too.”

Your index finger slowly traces my lips
A trail of kisses quickly follows
As you casually bite my neck
And play with the curves of my body

After a moment, you climb down and rest your head on the pillow next to mine
As I turn nestling my head upon you, you wrap your arms round me again
I teasingly play with the hairs upon your chest and listen to your heartbeat
The world around me grows hazy as its rhythm hypnotizes me

My eyelids grow heavy under you spell
But I refuse to let sleep consume me
Fearful that in time, I will awake alone
And this dream that you have given me will end.

Back to Index

Let Me Show You

I feel your heartbeat quicken
The air thickening around us
Eyes dilating in the darkness
Releasing the narcissist within me-
I ache for you to see it too

I take your hand and guide you
To that place inside
Where ecstasy resides
And pull you deeper
Into my seduction

Feel the suction of my lips
As they surround you
Astound you,
Steal your breath and
Drown you in my pleasure

Back to Index


You climb inside me
A feeling so euphoric
A pleasure so intense
That I momentarily escape
The confines of this world

Methodically you map your course
Strategically pillaging further
To discover desires
Hidden even deeper within me

As you pause to touch me
You ignite every nerve buried under my skin
And like a mild shock
I feel your energy flowing through me-
Pulsing with electricity

Each time you re-enter
I feel the heat from your fire
My face rapidly growing warmer
Beneath your flame

Then, just under your breath
Barely audible
I hear you whisper my name
And I know now that you are right there with me

Suddenly, your grip around me tightens
Pulling me closer
Then, in flawless unison
We both rush to the edge and over
Tumbling aimlessly into our own nirvana

Back to Index

I Ache for Your Taste

I ache for your taste
Trembling as you enter deeper
Your tongue roaming wild
Tangled movements
Damp sheets
Weak knees
Fevered flesh
My hungry body
Craving primitive penetration
Your teeth touch upon my breasts
Tongue slowly teasing nipples
Your hips thrust
My body shudders
Breath deepens
Knuckles gripping
Whitening skin
Cries of pleasure escape my lips
Nearly bursting from thirst
When finally...
You finally let me drink

Back to Index

Submission Via Clothespin

Muscles tighten
Vision blurs
My tears distorting all light
That passes through my eyes

Instantaneously each pain
That lives within me
Every present peril
That I face
Rushes to the surface

I blink my eyes
Forcing my tears to fall
So that I may see your grinning face
More clearly

As my eyes begin to focus
I shift my gaze downward
Toward my breasts
My jaw drops
As eyes widen
And I can't help but to smile
At your ingenuity

In a quick pinch
Every illness in me procreates
And with no one else around
To save me
Your hands become
My only hope

And I helplessly surrender

I am at your mercy
Knowing that you
Are in complete control
Of my pleasure
And likewise, my pain

Only you
Have the power
Only you
Can set me free
And be it so,
I must succumb to you

Back to Index

***Love and Romance***

Fire and Rain
Trust In Fear
Your Confirmation
Fallen Dreamer
The Language of Lovers
My Nights Without You
Beyond Comprehension
Don't Be Afraid To Dream
Just As
Exhausted Thoughts
That Night
I Lie Awake
Utopia of One
Before Our Love
Are You Real?
The Hand Held Folded
Wishing Well
Walk All Over You
Forgotten Garden
Even Without My Eyes I Know (acrostic)
Will You Tuck Me In Tonight?
I Told Myself
The Perfection That Is Us (acrostic)
The Perfection That Is Us II (acrostic)
In Every Aspect of You
For the Moment
Do You Remember?
Here I Sit
Playing With Refrigerator Magnets
Playing With Refrigerator Magnets 2
A Timeless Moment

Fire and Rain

Rain falls
A steady percussion
Of hollow drops
On the metal roof
Invoking a dreamy feeling
Firelight dances with the shadows
Upon the walls
An intimate display
Pitch crackles
As the fire burns hotter
My hand in yours
As you pull me to you
To the sheepskin rug beside
Your solemn eyes gaze into mine
Lips hovering just a whisper away
Electricity flows between us
With an intensity almost visible
I sip the wine you poured
Feeling a steady rush
Of sweet and warm
Our bodies so heated
As the fires rage a
Inside and out
Your fingers curl around mine
Taking the glass
As you lean close
To settle your lips
Gently on mine
Your hands tangle in my hair
Our kiss deepens
As the rain and fire
Sing their duet around us
Nothing else matters
Just this moment
Just this kiss
Just you and I

Back to Index

Trust In Fear

Somehow I knew
Though I had not grown to know you yet,
I could feel you,
A certainty about you,
One that made me unafraid to fall,
Unafraid to close my eyes and simply let go.

Your strength,
If not your gentle grip,
Was always there for me,
Before even you could make sense of it.

An attraction,
A force drawn so clearly
It became translucent,
Only I still felt its power.

And with nothing more than my faith
I teeter to the edge
And gracefully fall into you.

Back to Index

Your Confirmation

The sun sets just as it rises
Day in, day out
Yet I never feel the dark
And though the sky tosses raindrops at the street below,
I cease to be dampened by her attempts.

Somehow, somewhere, someone-
Has lit the torch for me-
Sheltered me from the elements.

Perhaps it was you-
Or maybe it was me, just wishing it so
Regardless I remain protected-
Wrapped tightly in these arms
My security, my sanity confirmed.

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Fallen Dreamer

People sometimes said
She was a dreamer,
Always tripping over
Amorous thoughts.

She will fall someday
They said-
Fall hard, and hurt forever.

But high of him,
She failed to heed warning
And before too long, she did just that-
She fell.

She tumbled through tunnels
Through night and day,
Through time,
And out of it.

She choked on whispers
Of singing voices-
And words she had only wished
That she could say.

She scaled walls
And left ruin
Where secrets once slept.

She awoke the One
From sultry slumber-
Unrest his silent heart.

She once dreamed she would fall
And just before she woke-
Just before impact-
He caught her.

Back to Index


Yesterday, you were my love…
My lust,
My future,
My foundation.

Today, you are unspoken.
Today, words cannot derive a true explanation
Of my most intimate feelings for you.
A body,
A soul,
A heart,
A love,
And an impassible feeling of ultimate pleasure.

You are my world.
You provide my air to breathe,
My water to drink,
My food to eat,
My bed to sleep.
You are my reason to be.

Without your love
I would suffocate,
And suffer…

But with you,
I am alive,
I am well,
And I am in love.

You are today,
What my yesterdays could only dream of.

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The Language of Lovers

Hush- speak softly
For we dare not harm the silence of the world,
Nor taint her children’s ears with lustful sin.

Connect me with your eyes, mind, and body,
Silently convey your words with touch-
Make vocal only the sounds born of pleasure.

For this hour before dawn is our somber escape,
Our hideaway from all that surrounds.

And though the sands move swiftly
Through the hour glass,
Our stories told between the flesh of love
Speak of an eternity.

Back to Index

My Nights Without You

The lateness of the clock ticked so slowly,
So endlessly toward tomorrow
My mind played tricks on me
Asking me over and over,
“Is that his keys I hear?”
Dissolving my hope each time it asked.
“Just yesterday,” I think,
“These arms were wrapped around you.”
I seem to take forever to close my eyes
Refusing to let the emptiness beside me
Permeate my nightly thoughts.
I wrap myself round your pillow
Catching the scent of your sweetness
Each night without you,
I lose myself in the night before,
I wander the darkness in hope that soon
You will find me here.

True Story- (Minutes after the completion of this poem, the door opened, and I was found.)

Back to Index


The sun rises, sets,
Then rises again,
But time has not even allowed that to happen
And already, I miss you!

I sway from exhaustion
Yet my mind refuses to sleep.

It would rather think about you,
Write about you,
And wait eagerly for your call.

But until then,
I’ll keep thinking.
Planning my return
As if I were away for years.

Monday will become Friday
In all its lateness.

We will lie together naked,
Our bodies glowing
As shadows from the candles
Dance across us.

Our hands gently
Gliding over bare skin.

Soft sweet kisses
Trickle down from my neck.

In silence our eyes will meet
Exchanging unspoken words.

My fingers will tease your chest,
Your face, and your lips
As your arms hold me close.

We’ll both sigh, smile,
And then kiss some more.

Slowly, you’ll enter me
Pleasure me so gently.
Our hips will rock this way
Then that way.

We’ll whisper about ecstasy
And how we’ve found it in each other.

Then, amazed at our abilities
We’ll lie quietly embraced
And unknowingly drift off to sleep.

When tomorrow approaches
I will awake
Still naked in your arms.

And that my love shall be
My final assurance
That I am home.

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Beyond Comprehension

When an artist’s brush
Sweeps across his velvet canvas
As the clock on the wall strikes midnight,
And all that is portrayed
Is the blazing ball of eternity we call sun-
It is love.

When a musician can grasp his instrument
In a moment of silence
And carry breath-taking tunes for hours-
Without a script, sheet, or foundational basis-
It is love.

When a poet can release her heart
On a blank page of paper
And create an image of mind, body, and soul
With nothing but a chiseled piece of graphite
And a distant stare-
It is love.

To behold a sunny day
In the darkest of nights,
Or to hear a heart singing
In the deadest of silences,
Or to gaze into the plainness of a wall
And visualize you gazing back-
Is a magnitude of love beyond any comprehension.

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Don't Be Afraid To Dream

It seems like every minute-
Every second
Passes in wonder.
Constantly I find myself searching-
At loss for even a clue as to how-
How can you be so beautiful,
So radiant
That all that is not you
Becomes oblivious,
Non-existent in my world?
If you could only feel a fraction of the power
Your touch possesses
Perhaps you wouldn’t think me crazy
For what I’m about to say-
Though I feel you must know-
Accepting or not,
You must know
That I have been forever impacted
By the way your hands first touched my tender body.
Oh the hours of caress,
Of your fingers feathering my spine-
So capturing
That I fear that if I move even the slightest muscle-
I will awaken from your trance.
Then slowly,
So gently,
You kiss me.
Your lips so soft,
So perfect,
They intoxicate me-
Paralyze me.
Again, I can’t move,
For fear that I am dreaming-
Afraid to wake from this euphoric world.
Then, as if on cue,
My eyes partially open-
And focus-
Your face
Forces me into reality.

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Just As

Just as a stone cast breaks a silent pond,
And as a raindrop breaks a drought,
You have broken my frown.

Just as music creates melody,
And rhyme creates reason,
You have created my thought.

Just as a mother nurtures her child,
And as the sun nurtures the spring,
You have nurtured my dreams.

And as I write, please remember,
My smile, my thoughts, and my dreams, are with you.

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Tonight I sit in solitude
And though alone
The silence of this place
Has been broken.
I strain to hear you
Desperately trying to
Make sense of your words.
I shake my head
Hoping to clear the echoes
To stop the haunting
But you will not cease to exist.
You wander my mind
Tripping over recollections
Of hours we passed earlier
Of hours passed so passionately.
Again I hear your voice-
“Baby, what are you doing to me?”
And I must ask you the same…
What are you doing to me-
And why are you not doing it now?

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Like that of a fine crafted quilt
My emotions have been intricately woven.
Each square a representation
Of the individuality,
The beauty,
Of you and I, combined
To form the final masterpiece.
Its warmth is my gift to you
Please, accept it
Cradle it in your arms,
Hold me close to your heart,
Let my love blanket you
In times of reminisce
And sweet dreaming slumber.

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Exhausted Thoughts

I race against time
My mind sprinting to catch the thoughts
But I cannot keep up
My lips part
Though I have already lost the words

A minute ago
I knew exactly what to say
How to convey
What I so ache for you to know
But again language eludes me

As if perhaps you are not meant to hear me
Not meant to know me,
Not meant to have me,
As I so deeply wish you could.

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That Night

That night
This world
Was left behind.

A new dimension was born
As I clung to you.

Our bodies merged
With inseparable strength.

Together our passion
Burnt uncontrollably
A blaze so bright
Even the sun could not compare.

Every second
Our closeness grew
With an intensity
Immeasurable by words.

For the first time
My soul fully opened
And yours as well.

I felt a truth between us
A pure truth
Void of spoken words.

There we were
Naked, beautiful

That night,
We became…

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I Lie Awake

I lie awake in my room,
But I am not at home.

I am a stranger here
With nothing but my pen.

I’ve loved you many times,
Yet I only seek you now.

Right now, there is no love,
Only ink and paper.

I long to run free with you
Once more.

To lose my heart
Once again.

For these are the things
That made me,
That drew me to you.

These are the things
I’ve filled my heart with,
My soul with.

How heavy my heart grows
With you so far away.

So much noise in my head
That I can no longer hear your voice.

Though worry not,
I will find you again.

But for now, I’m busy
Chasing down an endless daybreak.

So just kiss me in my thoughts,
Let me steady myself in your arms.

Don’t ask me to be what you need,
Just let me exist-
As I am.

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We awake-
A look of calm on each of us.
Our peace is soft,
But tingling with fire-

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Utopia of One

Heavy breathing
Beading condensation
On my skin

Tracing you
Embracing me within

Triple rated ecstasy
My fantasy
You are

My head so jaded
My dreams invaded
By you nightly

Long tender kisses
Soft whispered wishes
Of our pleasures
To come

The two of us
A Utopia
Of one.

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Before Our Love

In the darkness of night
I rise to begin my day.
Memories flow in the silence
Of yesterdays and tomorrows-
Which are fading flowers-
Lilacs and royal roses.
Sprays of regret
For the might have been
And the never will be.
All time is eternally present,
All time is unredeemable.
I talk on the phone with you
And imagine those unredeemable days.
I hear your voice,
And hear the presence of paradise around me-
Saving me.
Listening to you, I am redeemed-
Not in time,
But out of time.
Hearing you,
A joy of endless moments.
In the golden of your voice
I hear the royal roses.
Lilac lust sends a tremor down my spine.
I have been captured
In the hourglass of your soul,
Only to be tilted back
To the days of the unredeemable-
To the youth which we once knew,
As I speak of endless moments.

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The embers burn.
As flames rise-
A subtle glow lightens the room.
In a silent glance
Eyes meet-
Cool green like emeralds.
You smile,
And a chill runs down my spine.
My mind,
So captured by your beauty.
And inside my head, the record skips...

...I love you...
I love you...
...I love you...

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Are You Real?
(Winner: Poem of the Week: June 19, 2005)

Your eyes whisper
Words unspoken
Thoughts unseen
Dreams yet to be delivered
From reality.

Your heartbeat surreal
So untimely
Yet in sync
With my world.

Your touch
So lucid
So gentle
It’s unreal-

Yet I feel you
As if you were…

Real that is-

Now all I can do
Is wonder…

Are you?

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The Hand Held Folded

If I could pull a piece of heaven down
I’d tuck you deep within eternity

I’d shield you with my angel wings
Forever lying folded within you

Each evening of forever
I’d chase away the shadows while you sleep

I’d summon sunlight to your side
And let darkness never find you

I’d hold your body close to heart
And warm you with caressing kisses

I’d lie pressed against your chest
And listen to the peace upon your breath

I’d rest quietly next to you and smile
At the smile that you so deserve

At the beauty that you hold
Within your soul

And at the hand held folded
Within mine

I love you…

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Wishing Well

Standing here over the wishing well
I toss in another token
Another hope that I won’t end up here again tomorrow

The heaviness of my chest
Causes me to cough out loud
And I have to force myself just to breathe here without you

“Forever’s only twenty days,” I try to tell myself
But it’s useless
The comfortable just won’t come alone
And I should know that

Each night that sleepless comes
I lie focused on the perfection that is you
And I just simply cannot bear to leave my thoughts
So I turn him away

Each day I dream about your face
And my world around me shrinks into the background
But I don’t care to be there anyhow
If not with you.

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Walk All Over You

I climb you.
First upward-
Then back down

I begin where your hand
Lay loosely open
Next to mine

Ever so slowly
I ascend your barren arm

Pausing to squeeze gently
At the nape of your neck
Before exploring any further

I wait
To hear your subtle moan
Then carry onward

Toward your spine
Transitioning to decline

I bend my fingers
Slightly to the right
Then walk them down

I pass your wrist
With tender fingertips
And begin to lace them
One by one into your own

Until the last little finger
Finds its final place-
That loosely open space
That it calls home

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Forgotten Garden

I buried you months ago.
Out in the backyard,
Over there between the truth and past.
In that little patch of garden
That I like to call forgotten.

And that you were,
Until yesterday...
When I first discovered
The little heaps of heartache
Strewn about the lawn

Freshly dug deceit and
Bits of bitterness
Litter the landscape
(Guess I should have buried you
A little deeper)

Wouldn't be an issue though
If that damn dog were on a leash!
I buried my past to forget
Not for her entertainment- so...
Tell that bitch to go dig in your yard!

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Even Without My Eyes I Know (acrostic)
(Winner: Form in Poetry Forum Award: December 03, 2005)

I saw you again last night
Never mind that you did not see me

Dreams are supposed to be like that
Reclusive and mysterious
Each of which you truly are
At least in my mind anyhow
Much like a wordless thought
Somehow spoken, yet left unsaid

Invisible in my waking hour

So vivid while I sleep
Every detail of you becomes so clear that
Even without my eyes- I know that you are beautiful

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Will You Tuck Me In Tonight?
(Winner: Love and Romance Forum Award: September 11, 2005)

Fold me within your arms
And hold my safety

Kiss my goodnights
With your wishes of sweet dreams

Lie with your breath upon my neck
As we end another day together

Wake me with the dawn
That is the light of you

Fill my mornings
With your sunshine

And forever touch my days
With the warmth of your love

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I Told Myself

I told myself
That I would never
Love like that again-
Like I once loved you

Guess I was right...

I should have known
That kind of thing was irreplaceable,
Should have tried a little harder

... But I didn't
And so I lost you

Lost myself to a forever unsatisfied-
A forever without that perfect union
That I could only share with you

God, how I wish I could change things
So that my heart could
Love again so perfectly

But I can't-
I won't...

Cuz I told myself
That I would never
Lie like that again.

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The Perfection That Is Us (acrostic)






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The Perfection That Is Us II (acrostic)

So young, so naïve- I was
Everything you didn’t need. My
Virgin body, my virgin mind would
Eventually be our demise.
No hard feelings, I just wasn’t ready
To be whatever it was you needed then
Even though I had wanted to
Even though I had tried
Naivety took some time to heal

Years passed til we met once more, and
Excitedly we jumped right in again
Against the odds- and I was
Rediscovered and re-released
So quickly that

I abandoned hope- all hope for our future
Never giving it another chance

Til now.
How love found us again so
Easily, I’ll never know, but I like to think that

Maybe we were just meant to be-
And we just didn’t see it then, so we
Kept our distance. But,
I'm here to tell you that I see it now.
Now I know, I am your other half, and I will never let you
Go again…

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In Every Aspect of You

In a whisper
You are heard by the heart that listens

In passion
You are every part of one who dreams

In thought
You are the spark that ignites the fire-
An endless blaze within

In taste
You are nature’s sweet honey

In sight
You are my picture perfect

In touch
You are the goose bumps that blanket my skin

In love
You are omnipotent

In time
You are eternal-
You are forever

And I will forever
Be in love with you

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For the Moment

I draw the curtains back
And watch the snowfall in the night
Another shiver ripples up my spine
And I feel trapped alone in the coldness

In my mind I draw pictures of your face
While staring at the empty space beside me
And though I am saddened by your absence
Just a simple thought of you brings a smile to my lips

In my mind I speak to you in thought
As I shift my gaze back to the falling snow
I proceed to tell you everything I’ve always wanted you to know
But wasn’t bold enough to tell you

Chalk that up to shyness I guess
I must confess, it’s a flaw I’ve yet to overcome
But as I think aloud tonight, I am not afraid to shout
For right now, I have no doubt that you will hear me

For the moment, I can admit that these tears are for you
Yet I refuse to ever let them fall
I just can’t bear to part with those born of my happiness-
Of how grateful I am to have you

For the moment, I can tell you how sorry I am
That I didn’t see you patiently standing there any sooner than I did
I can tell you how sorry I am that the memories we could’ve shared
Were never given life in my blindness

For the moment, I can tell you that the love I feel for you is immeasurable-
So extraordinary, that to try and put it into words would be unfair
In fact, I’m not sure that I could ever communicate my love for you
There are simply no words that give sufficient meaning to its entirety

For the moment, I can tell you that when I re-discovered you
I discovered too, that I had reached the end of my journey
I'd finally found my reason for being-
I had discovered my destiny, and all along it was you.

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Do You Remember?

Remember all the shows we saw, the drives we took
Do you remember when you first held me while I cried?
Remember telling me it would be alright
As I let myself fall back into your arms
And back together again

Do you remember whispering words that used to be true
Remember saying ‘I love you’ as you looked into my soul
And I so far fallen then
Had whispered unto you the same

Do you remember the friends that we shared?
Remember how we didn't have a care outside each other
How we let childhood to rob us both of sense
As if that were what it was meant to do

Remember how we'd put words into each other’s mouths
And complete unspoken sentences
Because somehow, we just knew each other well enough
To communicate without the use of words
Do you remember?

Well... I do.

When the day ends and I retire for the night
I’m often found dreaming of those days
Thankful that much like the stars,
Those times are still only right in front of me

And though the memories of our past
Yield dreams seemingly too incredible to surpass,
I plan to make many more of them
So that I may dream of you again in time

So tonight when we retire,
We shall drift to sleep held tightly in each other’s arms
The way it always should have been,
The very way it used to be…
The way that I remember.

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Perched at the foot of my bed
One foot planted firmly on the floor
To steady the vertigo

I feel my heart race wildly
My chest growing tighter with each breath

Thoughts of you escape my mind
Intoxicating every cell within

A flood of mismatched emotions
Spills from every corner of my soul
Puddling on the bare cold tile below

Everything within me
Fighting outward

Everything so surreal
That I stop to ask myself
If maybe I am dying

Or perhaps this is what it feels like
To finally be alive.

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Here I Sit

Here I sit
Beautiful and alone
Sweeter than the sweetest candy
Yet still alone

Alone because you've made me long for something
You knew you couldn't give
You've made me yearn for something
I was sure I did not need
Until you let me taste you

Here I sit
Wanting nothing more than to hold you
To feel your touch
Inside and out
To laugh with you
To make you feel as wanted
As you truly are

Here I sit
Knowing that it is wrong of me
To feel this way
To want you as I do

I am forced to face the reality
That you are just a dream of mine
An illusion of my desires
And like the end of a rainbow
You are unattainable

I am forced to accept
That I can never be yours
No matter how beautiful
No matter how sweet
No matter how alone
I am

For I can only be your temporary solace
As you can only be mine

So, until next time my love
Here I sit...

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Playing With Refrigerator Magnets

I promise love
And truth
Never to break his heart
To not keep secrets
Or pain
He is everything I could ever need
And together, we are beyond perfect
He is the most beautiful soul I know
My heart needs nothing else
It wants only him forever

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Playing With Refrigerator Magnets 2

He makes me fall in love with him
Every time he smiles
He is my everything
And I am his sugar
Together, we are beyond perfect
And I can't love him enough

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A Timeless Moment

As I stare blankly
Into the distance
I feel the corners of my mouth
Begin to tug at my cheek,
Planting another crooked smile
Upon my face.

As I think of you
(Like I do more often than I should)
I wonder what it was
I thought of
Before we came to be?

I guess it's not important now though...

But you,
You are so captivating,
So commanding of my thoughts.
So omnipotent,
So hypnotizing,
That everything around me
Fades into the background.

Even the clock on the wall
Has stopped ticking,
As if it were afraid
To move beyond this moment.

And then it hit me
Like a speeding locomotive,
Only much less painful.

It was in this timeless moment
That I realized
I had fallen
Completely in love with you.

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***The Darker Side of Purgatory***

Death By Default
Tick Tock... Tick Tock... In Envy Of The Clock
Drinking At The Edge Of Nowhere
Parallel Intoxication
Forever Dreaming In-Between
Undone Reality
His Storm
I Am Nocturnal
Eyes Scanning
The Coming Of Age
The Day Has Come
Runaway Train
The Mirror
The Exit
Already Dead
Second Guessing Sanity
Existence Filled With Shame
Goodbye My Dear Undying (acrostic)
Sweep You Under
Ass Kicking Lessons: 101
On the Shores of Castigation
Thoughts From a Fifth Story Window
Life Among the Lily Pads
Debt to the Mob (a nonet)
Under the Weather (a nonet)
Illegal Tender
Bleeding and Alone
Steal a Feel
I Died Here Waiting
The Child Unborn
I Know You’re There
Whole Again
Everyone Has a Breaking Point
Out of Ink

Death By Default

Pain searing
Blood seething-
Seeping from every orifice...
Carefully sharpened claws
Peeling away my soul.
Soaked in sweat,
Tears I never knew
That I could cry.
You force yourself
Upon me-
Penetrate me,
Rape me
Of my world.
Blood staining,
Gates of Hell...
Your Brutal
Barren hands
Asphyxiate me,
Inebriate me,
But refuse
To let me die.
And horrified,
And writhing.
Chained to the stakes.
Driven through fists
Of rage.
Piercing flesh
And grinding bone.
Your laughter
Sickening my mind.
Guilted little girl…
Driven to,
Given to
Death by default.

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Tick Tock... Tick Tock... In Envy Of The Clock

I watched the tiny hands of the clock
So graceful,
So persistent,
So determined to complete the day.
Never resting until the cycle,
The full circle is complete.
I envy whatever makes it tick.
I ache for an obsession such as that-
Always counting the ways
That such a passion
Would make my days so complete as well.
Yet no matter how hard I try,
I cannot harness even a fraction of its power.
Why I even ponder the possibility
I do not know.
I guess some things just weren’t meant
To be equal,
Not meant to be so round,
I guess some things
Are not driven by the now…
Or maybe, some things
Simply aren’t made to tick forever.

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Drinking At the Edge of Nowhere

I can taste it,
The bitterest bile reviled.
Tempting the tongue,
Lying the sweet slow honey.
So slow,
Dripping my bones.
My blood burns so sore
While my thoughtless pleading lips
Scream more!
Sweet peace,
An empty release.
Forgive my glittering eyes,
That sightless stare-
Drinking at the edge of nowhere-
And tasting it,
The ashes on my tongue,
Soft soothing whispers in my mind.
Steady my hand,
My witless heart.
Still giddy spinning spirals-
And when you come find me
Laughing in the devil’s face,
Then please don’t leave me
Drinking at the edge of nowhere.

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Parallel Intoxication

I summoned you,
Controlling everything you do.

My little whore,
Tease me, please me, give me more.

The seconds tick,
It’s time again to get your fix.

Euphoric state,
Your mind no longer can relate.

Unconscious Zen,
But is it real or just pretend?

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Forever Dreaming In-Between

Caught between the dark and light
A tug of war with wrong and right

I spin and twirl through endless mist
A downward spiral I can’t resist

For I’ve become the middle man
Of halfway points and sinking sands

One moment grief the next one joy
The puppet masters favorite toy

From laugh to tear
I love and fear

The almost there
And nowhere near

From truth to lie, to rumor spread
From birth to life, or death instead

Yes, I am where the pages bind
Where truth and fiction intertwine

I’m demons, angels, Heaven, Hell
I’m you, and, me, and them as well

I search for reason within the rhyme
I search for minutes, hours, time

Yet night and day remain unseen
Forever dreaming in-between.

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I can feel it-
Somewhere deep within
An illness erupts.
Weak and sickened
I become.
Your venom permeates my blood
Fragments of you
Still piercing
After all this time.
I always knew
You had a power
Over me,
Yet I failed to realize
Its potency-
Its toxicity
Until the cancer
Had already spread.
Throughout my whole being
I ache,
My limbs twitching at the numbness
That was once you.
Writhing and dizzy with delirium
I wait for death,
For the you that remains inside
To cease its existence
And leave what little is left
Of my heart
To beat to the rhythm
Of life-
Of my life
That you so nearly
Depraved me of.

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Undone Reality

Now what dimension am I in?
The signs say finish to begin.
The up direction points to down
And eyes are ears that hear no sound.

No wonder no one understands
The simplest complex demands
Just faces bearing looks of void,
A twilight zone has been employed.

Nowhere is where here is now
I’ve got to turn around somehow!
But with the planets out of line
Reasons rhyme is hard to find.

Frustration, rage have been unfurled
In this topsy-turvy underworld.

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His Storm

What was once a gentle breeze
Now sends painful chills all down my spine.
Goosebumps blanket my body.

And I can’t help but wonder
Why my warm has felt that he must go.

A darkness falls around me
As the tears fall from me-
The sunshine so far away now.

But how-
He was just here a moment ago.

Helplessly I try to make sense of it
But the storm closes in too quickly.
I brace myself for what might happen next.

Will his clouds part?
Will his wind die?
Or will I face my tomorrow
Dark and sunless
Still surrounded by this cold and hollow confusion?

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I Am Nocturnal

I am nocturnal.
In the darkness,
My visions clear as day.

But you-
You feel the need to shed your light upon me-
To instantly render me immobile
And again, I feel paralyzed.

I cringe and squint my eyes
As I desperately try to focus
On something-
But in your light,
I see nothing.

And you-
You only think that you can see me
That you can know me,
But your visions are only a mirage-
A trick of your mind
And the deafening thoughts within it.
I cover my ears,
Trying to stifle the cries within you.

If only for a moment
You could quiet them,
And let yourself listen-
Then perhaps you would understand
That many times it is in silence
When truth rings its loudest.

But once again
You’ve let the sounds of your fear
Torment you-
The sounds of the tainted
Befriend you.

But I prefer the quiet
And the darkness-
So you go now,
Leave me to the shadows.
Tuck me away
Where you once found me-
Where I can again be
The shadow,
The mystery,
That you will never solve.

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Eyes Scanning

Eyes scanning
Landing upon my unsuspecting skin.
Your disapproving gaze pierces my soul,
Punctured with jealousy,
Blinded by assumption.

You convict me without fair trial,
Sentence me to anguish and confusion.
Reality reaches back
Slapping me in the face.

Without witness or defense
You incarcerate me.
What happened to our justice?
Have you lost faith in the system?

Perhaps that is it…
Or maybe I am depreciating-
Losing value-
Raising questions in your mind.

I file for mistrial,
But I am denied.
I scream in frustration,
But you do not hear.

My voice is drowned out
By your screaming doubts.
And now, a new door has been opened,
A new system lies beyond it.

One where truth takes a new form
And where innocence is determined
Not by fact,
But through your eyes
(You know they never lie.)

I only wish I could give you mine
So that you would know,
So you would “see” the truth.
Not as a perception,
But as a reality.
Our reality,
(Or so it was.)

Yet I fear it has been tainted-
Stained by corruption and mistrust.
For all I have now is my hope.
As I lie here restless
Awaiting my sentence.

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The Coming Of Age

Today I dance, I play, I sing
I laugh through life and spread my wings
I fly through nights and soar through days
No wrong or right within my ways

No remorse and no regret
For I don’t know their meanings yet
The pain of truth I cannot feel
I cannot distinguish fake from real

Fact or fiction- who’s to care
Nowhere, somewhere, here or there
Then suddenly my wings were clipped
And from my soul my youth was ripped

No longer innocence to blame
My world corrupted, set aflame
The ash of who I used to be
Now blankets everything I see

My carefree life has been erased
With problems I am forced to face
Like broken hearts and shattered dreams
And what redemption really means

I took for granted all those years
The warnings I chose not to hear
So now my child- I’m here to say
There’s more to life than just today

So dance, and play, and have your fun
Just remember time can’t be undone
The story’s written as you age
And life won’t wait to turn the page.

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The Day Has Come

Twilight trembles
Night has gone
Shadows, dewdrops
Rise the dawn
Dreams are perished
Melted day
Your mind returned
Emotions played
Another body
Robbed of soul
One more puppet
Pays the toll
The light, the sun
Command your thought
The midnight mortals’
Lesson taught

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Runaway Train

Once again I have fallen.
Not in time,
But out of time-
Out of sync with the rest of my world.

Just moments ago
We ran on parallel tracks,
Traveled at equal speeds,
Headed for the same destination-
Yet somehow again I’ve been derailed.

Only this time,
I can’t cry out for help,
I can’t ask for directions-
I can’t even whisper the thought
For fear of another fiery explosion.

This time I must tumble down alone-
Afraid and finally silent-
Just myself and my confusion
And the twisted wreckage
Of a once precious cargo.

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The Mirror

There are seldom times
That I look into the glass
And really see myself.
I am seeing merely a face.

For what I see
Is not nearly who I am.
The mirror only portrays
A pretty face
With a painted smile.

A young woman,
An average girl,
In a common world-
One in a world of many.

A kind and carefree creature
Laughing her way through life.

If only the reflection were true,
Maybe we could see more clearly-
If the mirror could reflect the soul
Then you would see the real me...

Not a pretty face
With a painted smile-
But a beaten body
And a hidden frown.

Not a young woman,
But a child-
Who's lost her innocence
Aged well beyond her years.

Not an average girl
In a common world,
But the poster child of
An abnormal reality.

Not one in a world of many,
But alone and empty
In a realm that few
Are ever cursed to travel.

Not a kind and carefree creature
Laughing her way through life,
But a girl so over-burdened by evil
That she cries almost constantly for her own death.

These are things even I rarely see-
Yet with every breath am forced feel.
For one to understand this pain
One must see my true reflection-
Yet the mirror limits you
To only an illusion.

You do not have to witness the battles
That I am forced to fight.
And though I wish nothing more
Than for you to understand,
I choose to withdraw into the mirror.

Hell is no place for the living,
Nor for the innocent,
Like yourself.

Yet since I have found my way.
I must remain here-
Starring back at you
Hiding in my reflection-
So that you do not find it too.

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The Exit

Once surrounded by all that is green,
I now lay shaken.
The blackness over my body consumes me.
All is desolate, dry, decayed,
All because of my one misstep
My weakness…
I search desperately for a door to carry me,
Back to that place in time-
The place where all was bright,
Where the sunlight still held promise.
Finally realizing that the exit is non-existent,
My soul shall lay in darkness... indefinitely.

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Already Dead

Serrated hatred
Like broken shards of glass
Your prisms my nightmares
Open doors to the past
Tortured and tangled
Chained in your cell
Unstable unable
My personal Hell
Tainted and tarnished
This Rusted decay
One more soul for the stalking
One more innocent prey
Another mind bent in bondage
Echoing sin
Screams of the captured
Your rapture within
Laughing my last words
Through lips bloodstained red
“Go ahead- you can’t kill me”
“For I’m already dead”

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March, bend, sway,
Do as I say.
You are me,
I am you-

You say no to conformity,
Lies of society.


More lies!

You lie to me,
And I am you-
Crack the mirror.

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Second Guessing Sanity

I lean against the cold walls of nowhere
Soaked skin
Another shiver from within
I pass the time counting shadows
Blackened images of who I’ve never been
The skies grow darker
And I hold my breath
Trying to keep the heat
A whisper barely audible
Grazes past my ears
I feel a lump form in my throat
Fear choked and frozen
I close my eyes
Trying to pretend that I’m unseen
But comforting in thought
I bury my head in my hands
Playing dead again
Peeking through the tiny cracks between my fingers
I try to catch a glimpse
Of the voice
But I see nothing
Another paranoid illusion to blame

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Existence Filled With Shame

Tears shed as whispers
A voice rings in my mind
Its words cut like razors
And again, I die inside

As shadows of yesterdays
Slip between the cracks
The light of what I used to be
Slowly dims, then fades to black

Thoughts shot from broken arrows
Soar through reddened skies
Your piercing precision
Stabbed its blindness in my eyes

As I shed these tainted tears
That drip and bleed your name
I drown myself in memories
Of an existence filled with shame

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Goodbye My Dear Undying (acrostic)

Moments lost
So unjustly your departure
So sudden your absence
I feel abandoned
Numbed from endless days of
Grieving for you

Your words echo
Over and over in my mind
"Undying" you said, then

Solemnly I toss the flowers
One by one upon your hallowed grave

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Sweep You Under

There I go again-
I thought I was finally free
Thought you could hurt me no more
But I stand corrected
Just when I thought it was safe
To bring order to my life again
I cut myself once more
I was only trying to pick my heart up off the floor
Guess it was too soon though
Unforgiving with steel's coldness
Its jagged edge still sharpened
With hate for you
So again I pretend
That all is well
Sweep you back under the rug
Grab myself another Band-Aid
And hide the hurt once more

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Ass Kicking Lessons: 101

Take those padded gloves off
This aint' no boxing match
This is your life little girl
It's time to get your ass whooped
Stand up and face it
Get that pretty 'lil face split
Let's see how tough you really are
I'll make you spit cheekfuls
Of bloodstained teeth
Leave your nearly lifeless body
Barely breathing
In the street
I tried to tell you
Not to fuck with me!

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On the Shores of Castigation

Every hate ridden word
Every objection
That spills from your lips
Begins to puddle at my feet
I watch the ripples in disbelief
A new one forms
With every sickened curse
Submersing my dignity
Drowning my worth
In your perverse pools of madness
My trembling hands
Desperately search the darkness
For something
Anything to cling to
But they find nothing
The waters darken
As disgust forces me deeper
Suddenly I feel calm
Then just before going under
I feel it
The final blow of degradation
To my significance

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Thoughts From a Fifth Story Window

If I told you to erase me tomorrow,
Would you?
If I asked you to replace me,
Smash my face on the concrete below-
What then?
Would you see to it that I grace the fall?
Would you watch me
Waste away shame and society
Deface their pretty sidewalk
With my outrage in outlines
Forever traced in white tape

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Life Among the Lily Pads

Sink or swim-
That's how the saying goes.
There is no in-between
So what am I to do?

I don't want to die
Not yet
But they won't let go
Won't give me the freedom
To swim to safety

Each time I try,
Their grip tightens
And I can't break the coils
Of this world.

My head barely above water
I frantically thrash about.
I scan the shoreline
For somebody-
But again, it's no use

This is a lonely lake
And now I know why
Sink or swim they say-
Or tread water til you die.

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Debt to the Mob (nonet)

Two shots- one to the head and the heart
Eyes still wide open in terror
Screams frozen upon their lips
That is how he found them
After work that day
His wife and son
The payment
For his

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Under the Weather (nonet)

Outside in the darkness I waited
Chilled to the bone and sopping wet
Dripping hair and falling tears
From one another
Consuming me
Drowning me
In your

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Illegal Tender

The backward ways of children played
Like pawns upon the streets
Like gladiators forced to fight
Or death be their defeat

Both bought and sold
But left untold
The stories of these tricks
Another token paid to them
So you can get your fix

With eyes rolled back
In pools of black
Your numbness has begun
Place one more needle on the track
Another childhood undone

Pay your debt with innocence
We're forced to leave behind
As a trade for your addiction
A payment for your line

Intoxicate your hatred
For whom you have become
Once again stare blankly down
The narrow barrel of that gun

Only this time...

...Pull the fucking trigger!

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Bleeding and Alone

I saw you today
Only for a second-
When you walked through the door

...I froze

All I could do was stand there
And question the reality of it all
I wanted so badly to disbelieve
What my eyes saw before me

But then it happened-
The inevitable exchanging of a glance
Then, in one second
I knew that you were real

I knew, because for that one second,
I felt you again-
I felt the love, the pain, the anger...
I relived my regrets, and your betrayals...

Fresh wounds replaced your scars
Old stitches tore away to bleed again
And every part of me ached unbearably
So quickly, I turned away

I couldn't let you see that I still cared
Couldn't let you see that a moment in your eyes
Could still bring tears to mine

Then, when the elevator opened
I turned to look back once more
But you were gone....

And again I had been left...
Bleeding and alone

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Steal a Feel

I feel him trespass again
But I simply roll over
And proceed to sleep

Hoping that my turned back
Is enough to show
That I am not interested

Yet as if in defiance
His hands slide further down
And awaken me again

I simply hide the rage
And seek solitary elsewhere
Hoping the next night will be different

But again
I wake to find myself exposed
Again, I have been violated

Each night that passes
My desire dies
In the awkwardness

The disrespect fuels
My mistrust
And I find myself trying to adjust

Trying to cover up
The bitter disgust I feel
When I am robbed of a sleep uninterrupted

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I Died Here Waiting

And the silence cut like razors
Some inflicting new wounds
While others seek to tear open
Those that have scarred over
So many times before

I watch the crimson liquid fall
Forming scarlet letters as it lands
My last desperate attempt
To make you hear me

Like a black hole
The darkness closes in around me
Sucking everything into its void
The only thing escaping it
The eternal nothingness I feel

Each second that my skin grows pale
I pray for you to save me
Hoping I'll awake to hear your voice
Whispering assurance that this lonely
Is nothing but a dream

With each drop I bleed
My longing for you grows
And I can't help but wonder
If I'll get another chance
To feel your arms fold so perfectly around me

As I watch the hours pass
I begin to worry that you may not come in time
To stop my bleeding
That you may not come in time
For me to tell you that I love you
One last time

And if I shall die here
Cold, and lonely
Dark, and empty
Silent, and stale

Please know that I died here loving you
I died here waiting
For you to love me in return

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The Child Unborn

Inside me
I feel so much for you
but outside
I feel I have so little control
Each day that passes I feel so useless
So helpless
So afraid that I may never get the chance to hold you
With every passing moment
My hopes begin to fade
Crippling me with the thought
That I may never get the chance to see your face
Or to hear the sound of your laughter
Then suddenly my tears begin to fall
As I take in the realization
That I may never even know your name

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I Know You’re There

There you are,
Behind my back,
Tiptoeing softly,
Just hoping
That I don't turn around
And catch you.

But little do you know,
I already have.

I know you're there,
I can feel you-
Feel us
As we fade.

I know you're there,
I can hear you-
Telling her all those things
You thought you'd once told me,
But didn't.

Yes, I know you're there,
Admitted or not,
I know.

I know because it's there
That I am not.

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Whole Again

Release me from
This pent up pain and anger
Bury it beneath me
Un-endanger my mind
Let go of these violent obscenities
Expel the hate within me
Deprave the death I feel
Come steal the poison from my blood
Give me love without loss
Show me joy without the pain
Deafen the lies inside me
Please help me to become
Whole again

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Everyone Has a Breaking Point

I'm broken now
My heart lay in pieces at my feet
Like a fetally alcoholic child
My mind rocks back and forth
Going nowhere
The pains of all your past inflictions
Surround me
Suffocating me
Til I can breathe no longer
The present takes its aim
With a sniper's precision
And I fall to my knees
Inside this shallow grave
Knowing it's the last time
That I will ever
Bear your wounds
As the world around me
Quickly loses color
One last smile
Parts upon my lips
And I surrender peacefully
To life's last thought...

…It's finally over.

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Out of Ink

I put my pen to paper
But the words fail to appear upon it
I scribble little circles of confusion
Trying desperately to bleed the ink
But still
I'm left with nothing
Just a void of whitespace before me
My everything
Trapped inside me again

Not that it matters though-

For even if I had a way to free my feelings
You would simply let the pages lie here
You'd leave my words unread
My voice unheard
And I'd be left alone again
My soul broken and useless
Just like this shitty pen of mine

Back to Index

***Senryu, Cinquain & Short Forms***

Silent Summers
Part of Me Dies
Life After Death
My Love
Suicide Child
The Truth
A Headache With Your Name
Sex and Chocolate
Drowning In You
Another Solitary Night
The “In” Crowd
Another Dead End (Writer’s Block)
Suffocating Your Name
The Guilty Are Born Again
In Awe (a nonet)
Untitled II
A Senryu For Nosh
Head In Your Hands
To Fly Past Time
Hell Breeding Evil (an abecedarian)
The A-Z of You (an abecedarian)
Untitled III (a senryu)
Empty Heart, Empty Hands (a nonet)
Papercut Love With a Side of Lemons (a tanka)
Seventeen Years (a senryu)
Life Cycles (a senryu)
My Baby Blue (acrostic)
Word of the Day (acrostic)
Your Head Hung in Shame (senryu)
Re-captured (nonet)
Your Wandering Heart (acrostic)
Resurrecting the Evening (nonet)
Consumed By Thought (acrostic)
Taboo You (nonet)

Silent Summers

Silent summers
Hours lingering in thought
But days won't differ from years
And with time comes a heart's desire

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Part of Me Dies

A chill, a shiver
Frozen in these fears again
Bitterly alone

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Life After Death

Mysterious, elusive
Taunting, teasing, intriguing
Is there such a thing?

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Sweet, loyal
Loving, lying, leaving
What a liar you are!

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My Love

Your name
So beautiful
It echoes in my dreams
And I'll hear it again tonight
My love.

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Suicide Child

Whimpers and whispers
Lonely cries for his father
"Why is my dad dead?"
And I fail to answer him.
My child of suicide.

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The Truth

So, you asked for it...
Are you ready to listen?
Can you handle it-
Accept it for what it is?
Or will you refuse to hear?

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A Headache With Your Name

Do you have a point
A significance to me?
If so, get to it
I can't take your thoughtless words
And constant chatter- Shut Up!

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Sex and Chocolate

Toss me down again
Look deeply into my eyes
Curl your hand in mine
Melt me like a candy kiss
I can't resist your sweetness

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Drowning In You

A crashing wave
Rolling, pounding, power
An unforgiving undertow
Of love

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Another Solitary Night

Tossing, turning
Another sleepless night
My ache and hollow cease to rest

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The “In” Crowd

Put it on again
Deceive the world little girl
Hide behind your lies
The mask a mere illusion
Beauty lives only in truth

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My lust
like a hunger
wanting, taunting, teasing,
I so ache for you to fulfill
these needs

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Another Dead End (Writer’s Block)

The white so blinding
Yet I can't help but to stare
Into the empty
I curse the unwritten words
Of nothingness before me

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Suffocating Your Name

You gave me breath, life
But then you left me choking
On your hurtful words
Your name swelling on my tongue
Yet I can't bear to swallow

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The Guilty Are Born Again

I raise the cup high
Arms tremble above my head
My hands slow to tilt
I question the dark liquid
Religion spilling over

Splashing upon me
Baptism without belief
Are you too guilty?

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In Awe (nonet)

In awe- I watched your shadow dancing
The candlelight upon your face
Mesmerized by your beauty
I traced your silhouette
Placed it in my mind
Tucked it away
My keepsake

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Untitled II

I hear somebody whispering
I thought it was my name
Now it's a sentence without words,
Just a breeze of wondrous sounds.

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Senryu For Nosh

In one poem she said
Everything I wanted to...
Give me your today

A tribute to the oh so beautiful poem “Give me your Today” by our beloved Friend_Forever

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Head In Your Hands

Tears wet with regret
His chapter comes to an end
And you're not in it

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To Fly Past Time

Oh wings, please lift me
Carry me above this place
Beyond my sorrow
Past the worries of today
Give me hope for tomorrow

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Hell Breeding Evil (abecedarian)

Drowned out of
Given again to
Jeopardize another life
Kill another soul with
Lack of
Nurture the
Partake in the
Quest of
Reliving the
Trapped inside
Unilateral lies
Vortex of brimstone
Wastelands you call home so
Your Torrid

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The A-Z of You (abecedarian)


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Untitled III (senryu)

Choose your love wisely
The pains of regret can hurt
For eternity

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Empty Heart, Empty Hands (nonet)

There was a time when I once held you
Right here in the palm of my hand
Yet somehow I let you slip
Right between my fingers
Now I just stare at
The emptiness
And wonder
Where you've

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Papercut Love With a Side of Lemons (tanka)

Like a papercut
So swift and unexpected
My heart sliced in two
And then you return again
Pouring acid on my wounds

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Seventeen Years (senryu)

Its been seventeen years since
We shared our first kiss
And baby, I still love you.

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Life Cycles (senryu)

Trials and errors
Mistakes made and lessons learned
Life, in the making

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My Baby Blue (acrostic)

Erased in

A reflection
Born unto

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Word of the Day (acrostic)

Madness consumes my
Innermost thoughts and I feel
Sickened by the world
Around me
Nauseated at the conformity
That permeates our
Human race
Repulsed at the very existence of life
Obfuscated at the idiocy that radiates from these
Pathetical beings
In constant denial that I too am a
Creature that must walk among them

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Your Head Hung in Shame (senryu)

You won't look at me
Fearing that I'll discover
The truth shining through

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Re-captured (nonet)

You tore down my walls and brought me pain
Left poison burning in my veins
Led me to my own demise
Corrupted me with lies
And now I'm broken
A hollow shell
In this

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Your Wandering Heart (acrostic)

Impulse driven irresponsibility
Numbs the heart while
Fidelity falls victim to
Illicit behavior
Deviance replaces a love
Ever true.
Loyalty dissolves
Into the distance and now,
Trust no longer belongs to

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Resurrecting the Evening (nonet)

Solar powered stars cast light above
As memories drift so calmly
In the Arizona night
Two souls reminiscing
Traveling backward
Hoping to catch
One more glimpse
Of times

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Consumed By Thought (acrostic)

Maliciously you stalk your prey
Intentionally seeking out your target
Acknowledging nothing in your way

Obviously you hold no moralistic value
Nor are you concerned with consequence

Methodically you chose your victim
Yielding no regard for repercussion

Mistakenly he gave into your seduction
Inexcusably he surrendered to your will
Nefariously he committed to your sin
Destroying what was once the greatest love he ever knew

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Taboo You (nonet)

Like the fruit of the forbidden tree
I dangerously crave your taste
My mouth waters at the thought
Of my lips upon you
But I cannot reach
That far above
And so I

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***Poetry In General***

Arizona's Midnight
A Moment In Time
Love- His Silent Ways
Many Thoughts... Many Roads
A Dove Namedd Harmony
Thoughts From A Bowl Buried Deep In My Fridge
His Daisy
Awake Is When I Tend To Dream
The Wanderer
Hearing With My Eyes
Confusion For The Masses
Sitting Inside a Window of Confusion
Nobody Understands
Unseen Savior
Always Too Late
Hors d'Oeuvres
Reflections in Photographs
Circumstance Dances
All of Us

Arizona's Midnight

It’s so quiet here without you
So dark, and so endless,
And though the sky above
Appears to be cooled by the night
Her fiery twilight still very much remains-
Hidden among the stars,
For this is Arizona’s midnight.
I lie tucked beneath her sky
Patiently awaiting the sun,
Yet once again
The dawn eludes me.
What if forever never comes-
Never delivers you into my arms?
What will I do then?
Will the sun ever rise for me again,
Or will I disappear into the darkness-
Into the void of Arizona’s midnight?

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A Moment In Time

Come sail with me-
Sail the Sea of Serenity.
Let the wishing wind cleanse your face
And glide on waters made of rainbows…
A voyage made for us.
Let time become irrelevant.
Our destination unknown,
But innocence directed.
The moonlight is our guidance
As we sit and speak of cherished moments.
Sunrise our reality,
Yet our voyage continues on
Until our wishing wind ceases on our sail.
Then, we glide through the waters
Until once again
We catch the rainbow.

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She varies in such subtle ways.
At times she can be one’s only link to the sane-
Others, she is your ticket to institution.

In solitude she sees you watching-
Waiting for the comfort of another.

In chaos, she runs away-
Thriving on your stress.

She plays the game to win-
And to NEVER lose.

Even as we speak,
She counts her cards

Longing for your voice
The silence deafens me

And you long for mine as well

But my lips are sealed-
Condemned by silence

And so we sit like pawns
Questioning why-

Too afraid to break her,
Too proud to make her bend

But instead we choose to feed her
With our evil thoughts

We blame each other,
Caught in a stalemate

We are both forced to resign,
And again we’ve let silence win the game.

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Love- His Silent Ways

Often times I find myself asking why-
Why does he keep coming?
Why can’t he learn
That I am not ready for his challenge?

When he comes to me,
I see only him-
I do not see the whole.

I am blinded by the intense satisfaction-
The gratification…

And though I’ve met him
Many times before,
I become amnesic.
I recall,
But seldom do I think-

For if I could,
I would remember the pain-
The demands-
The expectations.

I am deceived by his passion-
And him by mine.
But as always,
The truth unfolds.

He holds his hands out to me-
Yet not for me to grasp,
But for him to take.
Then, one by one he steals…

First my strength-
Making me weak with passiveness.

Then, my judgment-
So the formerly unacceptable becomes the O.k.

He robs me of reason-
So I do not notice my mistakes-
Nor will I see his.

Afterwards his hands-
The hands I trusted
Withdraw back into his chest-
Clutching all the powers that once were my own.

With subtle little words and smiles
He leads me to believe
He will return them
As our time together grows.

But again, just as before,
He turns and runs away-
Knowing he has once again defeated me.

For his charm,
His passion,
His portrayal of sincerity…

Shall continue to remain a challenge
That I will blindly accept-
And continue to lose
Until my powers are seized from his clutches.

And only then,
Will I know that I have found the one whom I wish to die with.

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Many Thoughts... Many Roads

Wake up my child!

You’ve wandered from the path
Yet once again
Avoid the thick brush
For it hides the truth
And misguides your train of thought

Wake up!

Open your eyes before sadness
Swells them shut again!
He is not like you
Though your heat wishes so

He is a nomad-
Content with many roads…
Each familiar,
Each equally as satisfying as the last

Though you feel your path
May be the way for him,
It is not.
For you two walk separately-
And always will.

Do not force his feet
To walk with yours,
For you will only make him
Choose the other road.

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A Dove Named Harmony

Harmony lifts her wings,
Calling to me…
Fly away-
Soar through the heathers of lust.
Fly above and beyond.
Let your emotions glide
Though the whispering cedars.
Grasped within her claw-
Riding the lone dove
Through the wilderness.
Over waterfalls and valleys,
Sunsets in the distance.
Harmony and me.

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Thoughts From A Bowl Buried Deep In My Fridge

Spoiled rotten
Forgotten one
Tucked away
Behind closed doors of darkness
I condensate
Procreate some more

This make-shift arctic wasteland
Incubates my spores
The wretched stench of my decay
Strengthens more and more

Watering eyes
Luring flies...
'Til one day
Thrown away

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His Daisy

It is dying
But it is beautiful.
I am dying-
Its beauty sustains me.
Is curled withered hands
Hold up my soul.
As my hands could give it water,
But I just lie there,
And watch it die.

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Awake Is When I Tend To Dream

Awake is when
I tend to dream,
My eyes wide shut
Yet still they see

Drowned in haze
I squint and stare
The fog so thick-
I shouldn’t dare

Then slowly back
I begin to walk
Each step rewinds
The chiming clock

And when I finally
Reach my bed,
Pull back the sheets
And rest my head

I will lie here
Once again
As my real and surreal
Mix and blend

Again I’ve fallen
Into fates hand
Her sleepless dreams-
And nowhere lands

Again I pray
For doubts to cease
For my mental wars
To rest in peace

But for now, my love
Please keep in mind-
It “truth” is what
I need to find

First all illusions
Must be erased
With truths, your lies
Must be replaced.

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The Wanderer

A wanderer-
She strides.
Every so often
She kneels down,
Grasping yet one more memory
Carefully placing it
In the burlap sack
Which travels with her.

As day turns to night
She grows weary
And placing the sack at her side
She lies down upon the earth.
Greeting the rest and restoration
That shall carry her journey
Well into tomorrow.

Soon, the sun rises
Awakening the wanderer
With rays of morning warmth.
Preparing herself to travel on
She stands,
Reaching for her burlap sack-
But it is gone!

Someone has stolen
All the precious contents
Of her past!
Falling to the ground in tears
She wonders,
How anyone could be so cruel
As to snatch away
Such a treasured memoir
Of her heart?

But after much dismay and sorrow
She rises again
Realizing the worst is over-
And that even though
Given one life,
She is given many roads
To travel upon.

Turning east
She prepares herself
To travel a new direction
But as she turns,
She spots a new sack.
Made not of burlap
But of a beautiful
Gold colored cloth.

She picks it up.
With much anticipation
And gratefulness
She begins to walk toward the sun,
Starting a new journey.
One much more pleasing
Than the last.

She kneels down,
Only this time
Instead of a stone-
She grabs a beautiful flower
And places it in her sack.
Thinking to herself
She smiles
Pleased that now,
The weight she will bear
Will be much lighter,
And so shall it be
Less complex,
A better representative of her.

And as she stood to walk again
She realized,
That her new-found flower
Means more to her
Than all the contents
Of her burlap sack-

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Hearing With My Eyes

The language of nature has a strange way
Of expressing realism to those who have the gift
Of hearing with their eyes.
To sit and watch a tree in autumn
For us, is like listening to an old love song
Filled with memories is for you.
At one time, that tree was full of life-
Green leaves,
Blossoming buds,
A whole, beautiful tree.
Come fall, the leaves change color,
Decaying slowly,
Yet even more beautiful to look at-
A memory forming in the mind of life
Is always beautiful to watch.
Then, as winter approaches,
The leaves begin to fall.
One by one,
Each memory is plucked from the mind
And carried by the wind
To a place more distant and undefined.
Soon, the tree is left naked in the cold-
Each old friend,
Each first time,
Each kiss,
Left to decay in the dirt we call the body.
Yet we say to you…
Don’t despair-
For old is always replaced with new
Or rejuvenated through the body and mind
To grow again-
To be remembered when you least expect it.
And soon enough, the tree again is green,
New buds have blossomed,
And a smile rests on the faces of those who have the gift
Of hearing with their eyes.
The cycle continues each year
To ensure that the mind of life is always full
Of precious joy and sweet memory.

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Confusion For The Masses

Through life
We stumble,
For even if we did stop
There are no directions to ask for-
No maps to follow.

We look for yesterday,
Last week,
Or any sign of a familiar path
But even our footsteps disappear
As other people pass without a plan.

The world keeps trudging on
Day in, Day out
But where is it going?

No one sees the end,
No one knows where it hides-
Or why.
Yet we proceed
To our secret destination
Hoping someday
The path will reveal itself.

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Sitting Inside a Window of Confusion

Sitting inside a window of confusion
Blanketing my bare flesh with goose bumps and shivers
All alone with my alone thoughts
Slipping into unconscious delirium
Reality sleeps next to me
His head dents the goose down pillow
I hear him breathe
But I dare not wake him
For fear of knowing things

Sitting inside a window of confusion
I look out upon the newly born spring
Green leaves and children’s cream colored skin
Red and purple flowers
In the meadow
Lovers gently caress one another
Longing grows deeper and further into me
I want to run and laugh; I want to sing and dance
But I dare not leave my windowsill
For fear of hay-fever

Sitting inside a window of confusion
Twilight enters the deepening sky
Darkness begins its journey over the land
My tea has grown cold in wanting for the night
I mindlessly sip the cold creamy liquid anyway
How long I wonder,
How long may I trap away my desire
Shut it up and lock it away in that faraway place?
How long before the sun will rise just for me again?
But I dare not think such thoughts
For fear of waking Reality

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Nobody Understands

Why did you do it?
Hidden logic.
What was going through your head?
Cooled personality.
Why do you have friends like them?
Teenage ideology.
50 miles through
Barefoot to a one room school.
So what.
10 feet to my bus stop-
Though a gang war-
3 riots-
Past a terrorist or two-
4 letter words-
And senseless violence.
Big deal.
There is a logic,
But maybe I can’t tell you.
Maybe fear prevents me.
If so, don’t ask me more
Because the answer won’t be in my thoughts.
Times change.
Don’t even try to understand.

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Curtains wave across the foot of the bed
And I feel a faint chill run up my spine
Like invisible finger tips upon sleeping skin

The shadows shift in the moonlight
Projecting nocturnal silhouettes
Translucent yet lucid, on the wall

An eerie comfort tiptoes toward me
Unseen in the dim light
But somehow familiar nonetheless

The curtains breathe outward again
And invite the night to enter
Once more, the crisp air brushes by

Rolling onto my side
I scan the room trying to make out
The ever changing shape of the shadows

Then suddenly, through the corner of my eye
I see your face- smiling back at me
Watching over my dreams, as you always do

The wind passes along one last whisper
Pauses to leave its kisses on my cheek
Then silently escapes into the darkness

Flipping over, I return to my dreams
With skin smoothed and goose bumps gone
My chills warmed over, and your subtle smile in my heart

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Unseen Savior

I walk with my hands in my pockets
Kicking up pebbles
Alone again on Rebels Road

A silence familiar
Breaks in the distance
As your footsteps meet the ground

"Is someone there" I shout
"Come out, come out
Wherever you are"

But I hear nothing
Only singing echoes
So I continue on

I shrug it off
As no big deal
Yet I can feel your presence

A certain safety
Washing over me
Defending my existence

Every path I beat
You loyally follow
Every tomorrow you are there

Dearest angel
I want to thank you
For guiding my way

I pray that this finds you
Wherever you are

I unfold my fist
And blow a kiss into the wind

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Always Too Late

She walks in the door
Looking for trouble-

Not thinking
To look behind her.

At her ankles, lies a shapeless shadow
Like a kitten or faithful pup.

Her trouble is beside her
But instead she looks straight ahead

The problem lying at her heels not obvious enough
To demand her attention

And… as always,
She’ll ignore it
Until it trips her.

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Hors d'Oeuvres

**Don't ask me why, but I was just looking at the word hors d'oeuvres and it made me think of whores galore and this is the aftermath of that thought...**

You lie there
In the palm of one's hand
On display for all to admire
They all ooh and ahh
At how pretty you look
As they each take a piece of you,
A little sample to taste
But that is all you are to them-
Just a pretty snack to chew on
Then, once washed down
With a sip of champagne
You are forgotten

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Reflections in Photographs

Someday, time will fade the memories
Blending them together as it bends
Soon, the days will become years
And the details will unknowingly be forgotten

But you will forever remain unchanged
Always smiling back at me,
As you were then

Old "what's her name" and "that one guy"
Will have disappeared into the background
With the others

And though the pages have begun to curl
And the colors don't quite shine like yesterdays
That sparkle still remains in your eyes

While I reminisce in the years past
My thoughts escape under my breath...
"It was always you"

Shyly, I look up
Half hoping you heard me yet,
Half scared to death that you didn't

But the look on your face
Clearly showed that you had
So quickly, I shift my gaze back to the photograph

I hang my head
Letting my hair sweep across my face
Hoping it will hide my fear

Slowly, I feel you brush it back
Tucking it gently behind my ear
I draw my gaze upward

Just in time to catch a glimpse
Of that familiar sparkle
In the camera's blinding flash

Just in time to catch
Another memory of us
Fused in the reflection of a photograph

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Circumstance Dances

It's like falling behind when you're one step ahead
Or a sleepless dream inside your head

Like the freedom of a prison cell
It's a whisper trapped inside a yell

Yes, life is seldom what it seems
Like a one-man co-ed soccer team

It's a hit of pleasure laced with pain
In a cloudless sky's torrential rain

Like the fancy flight of fresh clipped wings
It's a potpourri of unmixed things

It's the haunting "what ifs" in your head
It's the monster underneath your bead

It's like Heaven, Hell, and Purgatory
Like a chapter missing from the story

It's a post-tomorrow yesterday
Of words your shyness wouldn't say

It's like playing cards with half a deck
And a noose tied loosely 'round your neck

It's those chances that you somehow missed
Those lips you wish you would have kissed

It's two seconds early when you're one second late
It's the unpredictability of fate

Like the brightest star in midst of day
It's how we feel but seldom say

Like an innocent man awaiting his trial
It's the tears that hide behind your smile

Yes, life is like a graceless dance
Upon the whim of circumstance

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All of Us

I have a video tape at home that spans the course of a few years and the lives of a few friends that I will forever hold dear in my heart. When it was finished, the tape was appropriately named “All of Us.” I decided to throw it in the VCR the other day and it gave me the inspiration for this poem.

There we were
All of us together
Smiling so carelessly
Do you remember that?

I do
So vividly
As if it were
More than just a memory

But I guess if it were
You’d all be here now
And I often wonder
Why you aren’t

Josh, T, Elatia-
Now, there’s Amoriah and Levi too
But no one knows where they went,
All I know is that they’ve gone

Todd and Jenn...
They’ve both gone too
Aumont and Jeannie, and baby Isabella-
Somewhere in the bay area last I heard

Kory in DC, Arin in Cali,
And you down Phoenix…
And the one that made it all happen-
Lil Jimmy James…who knows where he’s gone!

Of course, there were others,
Like Pete and Monica
Adam and Jair…
Jen and Shon-

But they weren’t so close
So I don’t wonder too much
Of their whereabouts
Or them of mine I’m sure

There are times when occasionally
I reminisce with Von-
But he’s got Erin now,
So those times are few and far between

And all I can say
Is that I miss them,
And that I miss you
… I miss us…

All of us-
The way we were then
So carefree, so close,
So together

So why then are we so apart now?
Why do I feel so alone?
Please tell me that someday
You’ll all come back home.

… Dedicated to Richie Rich...and to “All of Us.” … I miss you guys!

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***Lost and Found***

Lost & Found I
Lost & Found II
Lost & Found III
Lost & Found IV
Lost & Found V
Lost & Found VI
Lost & Found VII
Lost & Found VIII
Lost & Found IX
Lost & Found X
Lost & Found XI
Lost & Found XII
Lost & Found XIII
Lost & Found XIV
Lost & Found XV
Found XVI

Lost & Found I

Hidden behind the dumpsters
In the unforgiving urban alleys
You can hear it in her fear stifled cries
…Her innocence

While gazing into your eyes
Through your soul
Within your heart

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Lost & Found II

Somewhere between daydreams
And a child's toy box
...My marbles

Between the lines
Beyond the poetry

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Lost & Found III

Shortly after "Hello"
Stuck treading in the deep blue pools
... Of your eyes

Circling my mind
Commanding my thoughts
Kissing my dreams and shielding my nightmares
...Your love

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Lost & Found IV

In less than a minute
... A lifetime of memories

... Dedicated to Shana Robyn

With careful perlustration
And the help of a black light

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Lost & Found V

To untimely tragedy
Swept into a sea of silent good-byes
I will miss you
... My friend

... Dedicated to Shana Robyn

In your pet peeves and perversions
... The right buttons to push

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Lost & Found VI

In a faceless crowd
Drowned out
... Cries for help

I step up to the mirror
In the reflection
... A case of mistaken identity

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Lost & Found VII

Crumpled up and tossed into the trash
Words no longer having meaning
Their value obsolete
When followed by your name
... Love letters

Unfamiliar hairs upon your pillow
Scarlet smudges on your collar
Untimely sanitary napkins in the trash
... Evidence of your guilt

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Lost & Found VIII

Somewhere between thought and paper
... The perfect words

In a chalk drawn circle
Down on Dayton Street
...My marbles

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Lost & Found IX

Answers to the name of: "My Heart"
Last seen: The day we met
If found: Please keep it my love

Meaning and purpose
Friendship and appreciation
Hidden deep within the most simple of things
… A Pez dispenser

... Dedicated to Shana Robyn

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Lost & Found X

In the could have and the should have
... A golden opportunity

Spiraling downward
Nocent memories like daggers
Deepening the wounds of her loss

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Lost & Found XI

Half way across the globe
Along a desert highway
Buried in the ashes of terrorism's aftermath
... A father he never had the chance to meet

At the back of your promises
Buried beneath the "I love yous"
And "forever's"
... The truth

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Lost & Found XII

Let all time be frozen
Let the nothing swallow everything
If not here and now
Let us be consumed
... In the moment

Delivered in today's mail
Wrapped neatly in a letter of condolences
Two shiny silver dog tags
...The answer to his disappearance

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Lost & Found XIII

Though not in spirit
Her legacy will forever linger

... Dedicated to Monica Perri

Admiration, adoration
Encouragement and hope
But most of all, a friend
...In you

... Dedicated to Monica Perri

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Lost & Found XIV

To prematurity
Born before its time
...The love of a little girl

... Dedicated to Patrik Eugene Corey

Tucked away in the cellar of my soul
Aged like a fine merlot
Awaiting fate's toast to the future
... My love poured upon you

... Dedicated to Patrik Eugene Corey

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Lost & Found XV

Upon an about-faced turn
To finally face you
...My fear

A priceless collection of poetry
Buried under years of dust
Long forgotten
... In the archives

Back to Index

Found XVI

Another so-called friend
Another burnt out lover
And one rusty blade
Lodged deep within my spine

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***Challenge Entries***

Ode to the Yo-yo (June 2005)
Poplarville S.O.S.(September 2005)

Ode to the Yo-yo (June 2005)

Active intelligence gone again
So what am I to do
Got to stop drumming my fingers...
So I guess I'll play with you

Wrap you round my finger
Then hold you in my hand
All coiled and perfect
Now let's see if you can land
(right back here in my hand)

I watch as you leap over
And plummet toward the floor
Sure enough, you did it!
You came right back for more

Unclench my fist to release you
And watch you once again
I forgot how bored I was
Thanks for being there dear friend

Who would have ever guessed
That such a silly little thing
Could be so entertaining
When hanging by a sting

So if I should ever find myself
Just staring at the wall
I'll be sure to grab you once again
And curl you in a ball

And toss you!

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Poplarville S.O.S. (September 2005)

**Poplarville is a town just north of Biloxi, Mississippi where my uncle Larry lives/lived...**

Out there
People I love
Lost. Unsure if they're
Alive, or dead, or safe
Restless with worry, weary with tears
Vivid images plastered on the evening news
Instill fear even deeper in to my mind
Losing hope by the minute that I'll ever see
Larry- my uncle Larry, alive again, but I keep searching
Every day I check the internet and the news for his name

Still, no word of his safety- still no rest for my mind
Overwhelmed with "I wonders" and "What ifs." Exhausted from "When wills" and "Wheres"
So please, if you're out there somewhere, somehow, let us know that you're safe.

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***Featured Publications***

Poetry Pages Vol. III: A Collection of Voices From Around the World

Lost and Found: A Series of Short Verse

Poetry Pages: A Collection of Voices from Around the World, Vol IV

Freeing the Secrets

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Last updated May 25th, 2014
© Anarcha (Erika) Basta – All Rights Reserved

© Anarcha Erika Basta
Behind this pretty smile is a story you'll never understand.

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