Tatooedbeatmessiah

[tattooedbeatmessiah]

<center> tattooedbeatmessiah </center>

<a name="#top">Table of Contents</a>
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<a href="#001"> good morning america…</a>
<a href="#002"> cleaning sobriety with a razor's edge </a>
<a href="#003"> Morning has broken... time to leave </a>
<a href="#004"> Ruining my Image </a>
<a href="#005"> Empty Beds and Alcohol Don't Mix </a>
<a href="#006"> Snowflake Boddhavista </a>
<a href="#007"> rearview mirror..[rough draft] </a>
<a href="#008"> bourbon,cigarettes,a keyboard and me... </a>
<a href="#009"> a price to pay... </a>
<a href="#010"> don't know where it came from...... </a>
<a href="#011"> could have been worse.. </a>
<a href="#012"> Luck... </a>
<a href="#013"> sometimes the farthest are the closest.. </a>
<a href="#014"> loneliness is a pill to swallow.. </a>
<a href="#015"> song for a dancer.. </a>
<a href="#016"> forgive me father... </a>
<a href="#017"> mrs. jones </a>
<a href="#018"> unconditional love.. </a>
<a href="#019"> pain and anguish... </a>
<a href="#020"> no regrets... </a>
<a href="http://www.poetrypages.com/phpBB2/viewt ... 15#021">[b] sad to say it's true..... [/b]</a>
<a href="http://www.poetrypages.com/phpBB2/viewt ... 15#022">[b] what did you expect on a sunday morning? [/b]</a>
<a href="http://www.poetrypages.com/phpBB2/viewt ... 15#023">[b] a little piece of me.... [/b]</a>
<a href="http://www.poetrypages.com/phpBB2/viewt ... 15#024">[b] just something i had to get rid of [/b]</a>
<a href="http://www.poetrypages.com/phpBB2/viewt ... 15#025">[b] writers block... [/b]</a>
<a href="http://www.poetrypages.com/phpBB2/viewt ... 15#026">[b] cobwebs are memories waiting to be dusted [/b]</a>
<a href="http://www.poetrypages.com/phpBB2/viewt ... 15#027">[b] a simple thank you [/b]</a>
<a href="http://www.poetrypages.com/phpBB2/viewt ... 15#028">[b] reminiscing...... [/b]</a>
<a href="http://www.poetrypages.com/phpBB2/viewt ... 15#029">[b] betting the longshot [/b]</a>
<a href="http://www.poetrypages.com/phpBB2/viewt ... 15#030">[b] black turtlenecks and bad poetry... [/b]</a>
<a href="http://www.poetrypages.com/phpBB2/viewt ... =15#thirty two"> every once in awhile.... </a>
<a href="http://www.poetrypages.com/phpBB2/viewt ... =15#thirty three"> sleepless nites and empty pages </a>
<a href="http://www.poetrypages.com/phpBB2/viewt ... =15#thirty four"> a long way between here and there </a>
<a href="http://www.poetrypages.com/phpBB2/viewt ... =15#thirty five" > upon hearing of the death of an old friend.... </a>
<a href="http://www.poetrypages.com/phpBB2/viewt ... =15#thirty six"> texas.... </a>
<a href="http://www.poetrypages.com/phpBB2/viewt ... =30#thirty seven"> shooting holes in aesops fables...... </a>
<a href="http://www.poetrypages.com/phpBB2/viewt ... =30#thirty eight"> blackout...... </a>
<a href="http://www.poetrypages.com/phpBB2/viewt ... =30#thirty nine"> what it all means.... </a>
<a href="http://www.poetrypages.com/phpBB2/viewt ... t=30#forty two"> sunday morning sunshine.. </a>
<a href="http://www.poetrypages.com/phpBB2/viewt ... t=30#forty three"> grown men don't cry over spilled beer...... </a>
<a href="http://www.poetrypages.com/phpBB2/viewt ... t=30#forty four"> smoking cigarettes in the rain...... </a>
<a href="http://www.poetrypages.com/phpBB2/viewt ... t=30#forty five"> the cruelty of logistics..... </a>
<a href="http://www.poetrypages.com/phpBB2/viewt ... t=30#forty six"> what could've been...... </a>
<a href="http://www.poetrypages.com/phpBB2/viewt ... t=30#forty seven"> romance on a cocktail napkin.... </a>
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<a name="#001"> good morning america…</a>

drunk again,
i am,
under a tea cup saucer moon sky,
staggering streets paved with
rain and tears,
dancing in puddles with demons
pirouetting on needles,
i light cigarettes with fireflies
i pull from my pockets,
streetlamp lite beacons signify
solitude as i piss
on car door handles,
smiling,
4:30 a.m.,
just another nite,
drunk again......

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________________________________

<a name="#002"> cleaning sobriety with a razor's edge </a>

i sit here now,
1 a.m.,
on a sunday nite,
sipping water instead of wine,
smoking marlboro lites instead of
winstons,
my cat's sleeping at my feet,
purring,
dreaming those feline dreams
no one is privy to,
my woman is in the bedroom,
asleep,
like i should be,
i should be next to her,
holding her as i have done
these last three weeks,
never letting go...
but i am not,
i am here,
trying to let go of the past...

i don't know why i started
drinking heavily again,
boredom, loneliness,frustration,
maybe all of them,
but i did it
and
i did it for four months,
everyday,
i don't remember much after
the middle of march,
somewhere around st.patty's day
i blacked out,
got lost in a daze,
bills didn't get paid,
the heat got shut off,
and i borrowed money off of
every one i know,
i never missed a day of work
but every dime i had
i spent on the booze,
i pissed myself,
puked on myself,
passed out in all sorts
of places,
but never stopped drinking....

i sit here,
tonight,
three weeks sober,
drinking water,
still chain smoking,
the shakes are all gone,
the sweats and the nitemares
have stopped,
my clothes are clean,
my cat is fed
and
i am holding on with both hands....

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__________________________________

<a name="#003"> Morning has broken... time to leave </a>

in the end,
all thats left is red
lipstick stained cigarette butts
in the ashtray,
a few memories,
a kiss goodbye,
no promises,
no demands
and as you pack
your things in
your overnite bag,
i think of the things
that i have to do today,
take a shower,
wash the sheets,
take my car for
an oil change,
it's been five thousand miles...

another kiss,
this one on the cheek,
goodbye.....

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_______________________

<a name="#004"> Ruining my Image </a>

there seems to be a rose
growing somewhere inside me,
a beautiful red bud
sprouting from my
sunless past..
could it be
i'm getting soft,
losing my edge,
letting this flower grow
around the tombstones
in the graveyard of
my heart.....


for dee...

"the times they are a changing" robert zimmerman

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_______________

<a name="#005"> Empty Beds and Alcohol Don't Mix </a>

sometimes,
i can feel
your warm breath
against my chest
at nite,
waking up,
thinking,
you are laying
next to me,

sometimes,
i hear your
voice,
calling my name,
turning
finding,
you are only
the wind......

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_________________________

<a name="#006"> Snowflake Boddhavista </a>

late october,
saturday nite,
the wind outside howling,
slamming suicidal snowflakes
against the windowpane,
they melt,

slide down,

form a puddle and

evaporate,

rise to the skies
come back again as
drops of rain or
early morning frost...

maybe i'll get lucky and
come back as a snowflake
falling on christmas eve...

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[tattooedbeatmessiah]

<a name="#007"> rearview mirror..[rough draft] </a>

as i sit by window
smoking,
listening,
to the rain,
to the cars passing by,
to my cat purring in her sleep,
the nite has a way of
recovering the past
that the day doesnt
understand..
gone are the one nite
stands with no names,
lost is suicidal drug abuse and
anger fueled alcoholism,
no more of these band-aids
to patch broken hearts..
my cat stretches and
adjusts herself..
outside,
the rains still falling,
the moon still shining and
i know i'll never go back....

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[tattooedbeatmessiah]

<a name="#008"> bourbon,cigarettes,a keyboard and me... </a>

damn,
some nites
like this one,
sleep is harder
to come by then a
winning lottery ticket,
these nites,
endless,
dreamless,
dark lonesome nites
spent staring at the
screen as words swirl
around your brain in an
endless,spiralling
tornado
SCREAMING
to be written,
laid on paper and
it doesn't matter if they
don't make sense...
maybe someday,
someone
will decipher,
will understand these lines
cause sometimes i can't...

so, for now,
i'll sit here,
smoking my winstons,
drinking my drinks and
surrender to the madness
once again......

"the only dance there is"...ram dass

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[tattooedbeatmessiah]

<a name="#009"> a price to pay... </a>

i'm just a pauper
standing at the queens court
rag tag clothing,
nothing to offer but
a bag full of dreams,
time is on my side
my love,
castles eventually crumble but
dreams never die....

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[tattooedbeatmessiah]

<a name="#010"> don't know where it came from...... </a>

there was a time when
all i thought i knew
was actually
someone elses dream,
reality was swept away
in a wave of emotions so
reliant upon the sea
for direction
it had no where to go
but to finally break..

so now
time stands stock still
on the beaches of what
could have been,
leaving only sunsets
for memories and
starfish in the sand.....

10/27/01

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[tattooedbeatmessiah]

<a name="#011"> could have been worse.. </a>

i have
3 cigarettes left
and
2 out of the 3
are
crumpled
and broken
and
my zippo is
out of fluid,
good thing
she didn't take
the matches too....

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[tattooedbeatmessiah]

<a name="#012"> Luck... </a>

is finding an
all nite diner
om a lonely highway,
an endless cup of
coffee
with free refills,
a bartender with
nice legs,
remembering how i
got home last nite
and finding out
you were not the one....

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[tattooedbeatmessiah]

<a name="#013"> sometimes the farthest are the closest.. </a>

let the nite be
my arms,
embracing you,
comforting you,
let the silence be
my words whispering
in your ear,
speaking only to you..
you are half a world away,
a few thousand miles
between us,
but you are no further
from my heart
then you were
this morning...

07/09/99..

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[tattooedbeatmessiah]

<a name="#014"> loneliness is a pill to swallow.. </a>

somenites,
i hold my pillow tightly
just to feel the warmth
next to me,
sometimes,
i hold my cat close,
just to feel her
heartbeat,
sometimes,
i just want to cry,
pining to feel something
other than this,
at times,
i have tried to fill the void
with booze and drugs and
three dollar whores,
but most of the time,
i just pray for relief,
to find that special someone
to hold in the nite and
listen to her sleep....

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[tattooedbeatmessiah]

<a name="#015"> song for a dancer.. </a>

i sit in the corner of the bar,
away from the lites,
far from the speakers,
drinking beer after beer
writing poems on napkins
and watching you dance,
your eyes float above the heads
staring into the mirrors
hanging on the back wall,
a little bump and grind,
a spin around the pole
at center stage,
all eyes are fixed on you..
even mine....

after your set,
you walk through the crowd
collecting tips and
declining private shows,
your dance card is full,
your eyes find mine
from across the room and smile,
you make your way towards me
pulling bills from your garter
and offer me a drink.......

loneliness knows loneliness
even in a crowd
and it is better to be
lonely together
then lonely all alone....

"first time that i saw her, she had white doves in her eyes..."..ben harper

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[tattooedbeatmessiah]

<a name="#016"> forgive me father... </a>

for i am not the man
you wanted me to be,
i have lied,
i have cheated,
i have stolen,
and i cursed your name sitting
on barstools
from here to san fran,
but when i kissed your cold forehead
and pulled the sheet over you
one last time,
i thought i saw a smile
come across your lips.....

for my pop....01/08/48 to 06/23/01

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[tattooedbeatmessiah]

<a name="#017"> mrs. jones </a>

on a rainy morning,
you
came over,
bored,
we both were,
with
life
and
love,
we
shared
a few
beers,
a few
laughs,
a few
hours in warm
embrace,

then
you went home,
leaving
me here
alone,
waiting for
another rainy day....

10/09/01....

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[tattooedbeatmessiah]

<a name="#018"> unconditional love.. </a>

she is there waiting for me
when i come home from work,
her green eyes wide open,
tail brushing the floor,
she is twenty one now,
knows nothing of politics or war,
good days or bad days,
nothing of robberies or rapes
or the cruel world outside
her door..
what she does know,
she can't get enough of,
a good spot in the sunlite,
a fresh can of food or
a warm lap to sleep on
with a gentle hand to
rub her chin or
stroke her back...
she taught me how to
love again,
something i thought
would never happen.....

12/08/02

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[tattooedbeatmessiah]

<a name="#019"> pain and anguish... </a>

so many nites i have
sat here,
smoking butts from the
ashtray and
drinking cheap beer,
writing you letters
i will never
send
and
poems you will
never read,
you are wherever
you are
and
i am here
waiting,
for a phone call,
a knock at the door,
a sign to tell me
i am alive
inside
my little world....

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[tattooedbeatmessiah]

<a name="#020"> no regrets... </a>

all those nites
spent sleeping
on park benches or
in somebody's car,
freezing,
starving,
too proud for charity,
too angry to back down,
those nites,
when it was
too cold to sleep,
i read bukowski by
street lite,
wrote poems
on scraps
of paper
and
watched sunrises
with kerouac...

all those nites
led me to you...

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