Her True Intentions(no revisions yet)

[Phoenix J. Star]

*Wasn't too sure where to stick this one, but after reading it over and over I thought it could be inspirational so its here.*

Usually when a loved one dies,
all the secrets and lies come out.
That statment relates to this case.
I have been loved all my life,
by parents and grandparents,
aunts and uncles, but in different
degrees of love.
There is much I know now,
that I was guarded from my entire life,
and I now understand why she
wanted it that way.
The things I have learned, after she died,
would kill anyone's soul.
Things she did to her kids, herself,
things done to her,
things done to me.
But because of this...this "keeping secrets"
I now have a brighter perspective
on who I am, why I am the way I am,
my family and why they are the way
they are.
None of the given information is easy to digest,
years of abuse,
physical
emotional
sexual,
Lives and loves lost.
Lives and loves gained.
I thought I got out lucky,
I thought I was spared.
Everyone but me had major problems,
and now I have a plethora of new
info to try and stomach.
Information pertaining to me.
Things I did not know.
Things I did not want to know.
And I'll handle that myself,
no burdens for anyone else,
but I realize why she wanted to
wait to tell me until after she was gone.
She couldn't have delt with it.
She couldn't have delt with my pain.
Which suprisingly, is not really pain
at all, but understanding, reasoning,
and hope.
A hope that my life and my child's life
will be completly different, and a reason to
live for the future, not fear it.
Death was always my biggest fear,
until I watched her die.
So peaceful.
So serene.
Drifting off into perpetual slumber.
Even the long beep of the heart monitor
sounded peaceful.
I'm not mad that she never told me
before now.
I know what her true intentions were.
To protect me, which is what she spent her
life doing, and continues to do
from the afterlife.

[gordy]

[poeticpiers]

Secrecy is sometimes necessary but the truth eventually becomes known/Leaving you with unanswerable questions