This Old Man

Forum for your general poetry that may or may not also fit into other forums as well.

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Forum for your general poetry that may or may not also fit into other forums as well. If you wouldn't want your 12-year old daughter to read it, don't post it here.
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audiofool
Blue Sea Poet
Posts: 598
Joined: Tue Oct 06, 2009 4:35 am
Location: Michigan

This Old Man

Post by audiofool » Thu Oct 30, 2014 2:16 am

This old man
doesn't hear a thing I say
a fevered flame
manic mass of gray

recollect
collect your thoughts in a jar
that's just who you are
and I love you

yesterday
I was your pet
or was it the moon
it's easy to forget
still hard to swallow

cast and crew
each one acting the part
I flubbed my line
the horse before the cart
now you're breaking my heart

oh
the leaves can rake themselves
this is where we belong
right now (any fool can see)
your will is strong

in this fiction
I'm struck by the fact
there's no turning back
days like suitcases are packed

castaway
things sometimes fall apart
I just hum the tune
to the top of the chart
and it's breaking my heart.
Last edited by audiofool on Fri Oct 31, 2014 12:52 am, edited 2 times in total.

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Travis
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Re: This Old Man

Post by Travis » Thu Oct 30, 2014 4:31 pm

I liked this! There are some great images, here. I thought the last stanza could flow easier but overall, it was the emotive message you conveyed that reached out to me.

~Travis
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The soul becomes dyed with the color of its thoughts. ~Marcus Aurelius

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audiofool
Blue Sea Poet
Posts: 598
Joined: Tue Oct 06, 2009 4:35 am
Location: Michigan

Re: This Old Man

Post by audiofool » Fri Oct 31, 2014 12:49 am

Thank you, Travis. My wife's dad is experiencing several health issues related to aging/genetics. I suppose that's the subject expressed here.

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DarleneG
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Re: This Old Man

Post by DarleneG » Sat Nov 01, 2014 6:37 am

:hello: I liked your poem, too. And I am so sorry about your wife's father. I can relate with the illnesses that come with aging (because I am there, too). Loved your line (Days like suitcases are packed). :hearts:
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"Poetry is what in a poem makes your toenails twinkle."----Dylan Thomas
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audiofool
Blue Sea Poet
Posts: 598
Joined: Tue Oct 06, 2009 4:35 am
Location: Michigan

Re: This Old Man

Post by audiofool » Sat Nov 01, 2014 2:34 pm

Thank you, Darlene.

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