Search found 210 matches

by Graeme
Wed Jan 19, 2011 11:47 am
Forum: Workshop/Critiques Wanted
Topic: Workshop: What makes it poetry?
Replies: 20
Views: 2521

Re: Workshop: What makes it poetry?

I read with interest the example of what poetry is - I feel that poetry is an art form, but then again prose can be art too. Prose as an art can also say volumes beyond the words. These quotes come from Jean Sheppard's In God We Trust, All Others Pay Cash "Steathly I dressed in my icy cordory knicke...
by Graeme
Tue Feb 12, 2008 5:47 pm
Forum: Workshop/Critiques Wanted
Topic: Death Rolls In . . .
Replies: 16
Views: 2265

Re: Death Rolls In . . .

Thank you, Snarple, for your thoughtful reply. I have copied your comments and will go through them item by item. Thank you for your comments, Bee Jay, I have also copied them for further analysis of my poem. I can't tell you know much I appreciate each of you taking your time to help me with this p...
by Graeme
Mon Feb 11, 2008 8:35 pm
Forum: Workshop/Critiques Wanted
Topic: Short Journeys
Replies: 5
Views: 870

Re: Short Journeys

Perhaps you could have the moon rising?
by Graeme
Sat Feb 09, 2008 7:40 am
Forum: Workshop/Critiques Wanted
Topic: my thief
Replies: 5
Views: 913

Re: my thief

I enjoyed reading this. Can't think of a change.
by Graeme
Sun Jan 27, 2008 8:27 am
Forum: Workshop/Critiques Wanted
Topic: Sipping Coffee At Chicago Airport Loungue
Replies: 2
Views: 566

Re: Sipping Coffee At Chicago Airport Loungue

I hesitate to offer suggestions to one who has been sp [published, but here goes my ideas sipping coffee in the sprawling airport lounge at Chicago O'Hare is like entering a eclectically packaged world (chaotically) of freedom where the black coffee churns out memories of naked hand shakes a rustle ...
by Graeme
Wed Jan 09, 2008 7:38 am
Forum: Workshop/Critiques Wanted
Topic: Wolfy
Replies: 6
Views: 1149

Re: Wolfy

Yes, you've come a long way. I like that you removed the "ing" from some of the verbs. I've always felt that present, unaltered tense is strongest in poetry. I probably will get creamed for this once again, but try playing with punctuation. I think one of the tricks is to Let your punctuation and li...
by Graeme
Fri Jan 04, 2008 9:31 pm
Forum: Workshop/Critiques Wanted
Topic: February Workshop - The Country Estate
Replies: 14
Views: 2294

Re: February Workshop - The Country Estate

Ok, Heinz, I really liked this idea for a workshop, and I want to try it.

So - I start in the present with personification of an object
step back into the past with 5 I remember statements
Come back to the present - is this a wish statment?
by Graeme
Fri Jan 04, 2008 9:23 pm
Forum: Workshop/Critiques Wanted
Topic: Memory
Replies: 6
Views: 818

Re: Memory

My grandmother was trained to be a concert pianist - chose "drek" - popular music of her time instead (1910's) But this poem brought back the memory of her!
by Graeme
Fri Jan 04, 2008 9:19 pm
Forum: Workshop/Critiques Wanted
Topic: Dark
Replies: 4
Views: 663

Re: The Darkened Kingdom

Wending their way into rustic oblivion
Descending into the darkened kingdom
perhaps:
They wend into oblivion
as they descend (can't think of a word to help you here - sorry)

I too love fall poems.
by Graeme
Fri Jan 04, 2008 9:10 pm
Forum: Workshop/Critiques Wanted
Topic: In Keeping Home
Replies: 6
Views: 854

Re: In Keeping Home

The pain in this poem screams to be heard. I only have a couple of things that I might suggest - just tightening of wording, really. and blindness to the day. omit this line. While recovery is only a step away, beyond your walls; Omit "while" ever since he's gone away. change to "he went" But you al...
by Graeme
Fri Jan 04, 2008 8:58 pm
Forum: Workshop/Critiques Wanted
Topic: Andante
Replies: 7
Views: 988

Re: Andante

Obviously I don't agree with the assessment of education. But I think your poem is great, Heinz; I wouldn't change anything.
by Graeme
Fri Jan 04, 2008 8:55 pm
Forum: Workshop/Critiques Wanted
Topic: tears
Replies: 18
Views: 1923

Re: tears

My shattered innocence spills across the floor proving to the world what has been done everything comes crashing down injustice has this day won. This has broken my heart killed all my childhood dreams twisted pleasure into pain my tears run in silver streams. I'm going to play with the original, i...
by Graeme
Mon Dec 31, 2007 3:51 pm
Forum: Poet Laureate October 2007 - March 2008: Nekot
Topic: Spice of Life: Meet bags123
Replies: 25
Views: 9885

Re: Spice of Life: Meet bags123

Nice to get to know you Bags! :cheers: :hugs: sloppy :cheers:
by Graeme
Sun Dec 30, 2007 10:56 am
Forum: Workshop/Critiques Wanted
Topic: Death Rolls In . . .
Replies: 16
Views: 2265

Re: Death Rolls In . . .

Thank you, Heinz, I put it in the tribute section.
by Graeme
Sun Dec 30, 2007 6:59 am
Forum: In Tribute
Topic: Death Rolls In . . .
Replies: 1
Views: 431

Death Rolls In . . .

Death rolls in On the current of Life's tide Driven by forces outside man's realm It relentlessly crashes against the shore Death stretches its icy fingers Into the hearts of the living As it carries loved ones out to sea Beyond earthly reach Only gentle etchings in the sand Remain for those left be...

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