Search found 39 matches

by Squawk
Sun Feb 03, 2008 6:55 pm
Forum: Tom Watson's Whispers
Topic: Tree of Life
Replies: 7
Views: 1887

Re: Tree of Life

Yeah that's an interesting one. Definitely needs a few reads.

But the picture I finally got was of a person with a tree growing out their mouth and lights shining all over the place.
by Squawk
Tue Jun 12, 2007 10:02 am
Forum: Workshop/Critiques Wanted
Topic: Sound Flap
Replies: 8
Views: 1586

I sat upon a pretty perch Taking in breath, Waiting for dawn to break the night. The sky sprang red, Beneath my feet Shadow seen apart from light. Letting go a cheep and a chirp, I told the world That which they so needed to hear. So now I could Step back and think Of all creatures in the air. Us fl...
by Squawk
Mon Jun 11, 2007 9:37 am
Forum: Workshop/Critiques Wanted
Topic: Sound Flap
Replies: 8
Views: 1586

Yeah I can't say that I disagree with that point. I might come back to it later and have a look at those points. It'll be fun for what it's worth, but I'll say already that I've always had problems with getting stanzas to follow from the last and connect properly. I don't know sometimes I like that ...
by Squawk
Mon Jun 11, 2007 6:55 am
Forum: Workshop/Critiques Wanted
Topic: Sound Flap
Replies: 8
Views: 1586

OK thanks. And yes Partridge, just call me Alan...AHAAAA!
by Squawk
Thu Jun 07, 2007 4:29 pm
Forum: Workshop/Critiques Wanted
Topic: Sound Flap
Replies: 8
Views: 1586

Sound Flap

I sat upon a pretty perch, And took my time, To peruse about the landscape That laid around Below my feet In the shadow of the trees. A cheep , a chirp A whistle , and a squawk . I told the whole world How I felt. There's nothing more but to think, To sit and stare, At the glorious variations Of cre...
by Squawk
Tue Jun 05, 2007 6:06 am
Forum: Teen Spirit
Topic: evolution
Replies: 13
Views: 1988

It has an edgy smugness there in it. I think maybe the first thing to look at is punctuation and such. Nothing major, just the basics to help someone who wishes to read it.
by Squawk
Wed Apr 25, 2007 1:54 pm
Forum: Briefs:
Topic: Hashed Ink
Replies: 9
Views: 1470

I really like this. Feels like I do at the moment, I don't so much have a writer's block at the moment but a full on mental one. *Le Sigh* :shrug:
by Squawk
Mon Apr 16, 2007 4:08 pm
Forum: Workshop/Critiques Wanted
Topic: The Girl
Replies: 3
Views: 1016

An interesting collection of words and phrases that definitely stir an emotional response. Raw, without any form of intellect attached. I find nothing in this I can tie my raft to, yet it disturbs my psyche. Great effect, but what is the meaning? The purpose? The story? A true question poser indeed...
by Squawk
Mon Apr 02, 2007 4:28 pm
Forum: Community Favorites, Poem of the Week and Poet of the Month
Topic: Poet of the Month: April, 2007
Replies: 8
Views: 2548

I hate to be cynical...so I won't be.

Thank you, I promise this won't go to my head...my minions.
by Squawk
Thu Mar 29, 2007 4:07 pm
Forum: Workshop/Critiques Wanted
Topic: The Extremes of the Perfectionist
Replies: 3
Views: 960

Yeah as Graeme says some great lines mixed in there.
by Squawk
Wed Mar 21, 2007 2:09 pm
Forum: Workshop/Critiques Wanted
Topic: The Raggy Dolls
Replies: 8
Views: 1389

All of it? Every single fibre?

Oh dear. Maybe you could say how it could improve?
by Squawk
Wed Mar 21, 2007 12:07 pm
Forum: Workshop/Critiques Wanted
Topic: Chrysalis
Replies: 24
Views: 4859

heinzs wrote:I don't remember being a couple...
That'll be the drugs I gave you. Don't worry it'll all come back soon as I'm safely in Rio.
by Squawk
Wed Mar 21, 2007 6:09 am
Forum: Workshop/Critiques Wanted
Topic: Chrysalis
Replies: 24
Views: 4859

The original odd couple, I'm sure. :wink:
by Squawk
Sun Mar 18, 2007 12:13 pm
Forum: Workshop/Critiques Wanted
Topic: Chrysalis
Replies: 24
Views: 4859

Yeah you're right, I like the imagery with the fade and disappear but I don't think it works with the rhythm.

Maybe engulf or something. :shrug:
by Squawk
Sun Mar 18, 2007 11:07 am
Forum: Workshop/Critiques Wanted
Topic: Chrysalis
Replies: 24
Views: 4859

The line "in your presence I fade and disappear "

Split it up maybe:

In you presence
I do as I'm told.

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